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My Corona Break When the world closed

Hello world...

DAY 1:

Yesterday was our last day of school, for a while. I still can't wrap my head around how crazy that is. It was only last week that the Corona virus was some sort of distant catastrophe. It was a problem in China that was devastating, sure, but nothing I needed to fear or worry about. Then, it was a European problem, suddenly, my sister's summer plans for Italy were in jeopardy, but all I though was, "sucks for her. " Then it was here, then OSU closed, then the Science Olympiad Regional tournament was cancelled, then winter sports were cancelled, and then school. Each cancellation only hours apart. Toilet paper was flying off the shelves, hand sanitizer became an item of value, and there was fear. Fear radiating from every news story, every announcement from the Governor, from the president, from every groupchat, and social media post. Personally, I have no idea what I am feeling. I think I've gotten so used to mirroring the emotions of the people around me, that now that there is actually something in the world that requires a reaction from me, I don't know who's lead to follow. Do I worry, do I think people are over reacting? Hopefully by the time this is all over, I'll be able to figure it out.

Today is Saturday, March 14. If the Corona virus wasn't here, I'd be at Winterguard practice preparing for the competition in Dayton tomorrow. But instead, we completed our last run of the show on Thursday. It was more emotional than I expected it to be, like there were multiple days of crying that followed. Maybe that emotion is slightly petty considering there are people dying, but I can't help it. I spent the past four months investing actual blood, sweat, and tears into learning and perfecting choreography to a beautiful show my heart was invested in, and now because of a virus I have no control over (and honestly hasn't really affected me or anyone I know) I don't get to show that to people. I also don't get to spent everyday with a team of my best friends and coaches. Anyways, the team wanted to meet today at five at Steak n' Shake, but I couldn't go, because Corona. I told them my parents said I couldn't go, which they did, but to be honest, I don't think I'd be comfortable in a public restaurant right now either. Except, now all I can think about is how long it will be until I can have a shake from Steak n' Shake.

One last time...

"You really don't know what you have until you lose it." That is what our captain Karen Yang said, and it really rings true. I have been stripped of the standard, routine of everyday, and I miss the familiarity of my schedule. I'm not the only one :)

It's like I have two voices in my head. One logical and one stupid teenager. It's like this: one side of me thinks this is all sort of cool, because we're making history, and is sad things are cancelled, and craves fast food, and questions the severity of the situation. And then there is the other half that knows how bad things are, and hates how much I touch my face, and is afraid to go outside. It's odd.

That's it for today. Stay safe.

why does it look so good?

DAY 2:

It's Sunday, March 15th, and my calendar keeps telling me I need to go places when I don't. It's both sad and kind of nice. Mrs. Stohs asked me on Friday how I was going to live without being busy, apparently, I am not very good at it. My schedule normally consists of school, guard, science olympiad, dance, and band. Since my body knows only two things, being busy and Netflix, I'd better find things to do.

Just went through my planner with red ink!

Today, I re organized my bathroom, painted my nails, washed and disinfected my make-up brushes, and reorganized my closet. That is how bad things are... I cleaned. I won't bore you with the details of washing my make-up brushes, but I sat on the couch after doing all that, and could not figure out why the heck I chose to do those things. My closet wasn't messy, so all I did was move the clothes around. My make-up brushes weren't that dirty to begin with. and it's not like anyone is going to see that I painted my nails. Being productive felt good, but the fact that I was so desperate to keep myself busy was kind of pathetic. The things I was doing were mindless, and it's not like I would have had time to do them while school was going on , so I guess this is good. Mindless/non academic activities lost their place in my schedule, it's time I incorporate them back in. Especially because it's starting to look like we won't go back to school for a long time.

I guess they're clean?

DAY 3:

It's officially Monday, I should have gone to school except that Ohio has officially reported cases of Corona, and governor DeWine has officially discouraged all social gatherings of more than 10 people. Other than that, there haven't been any major changes to the Corona situation. Only the growing feeling of solitude, and realization that this isn't ending anytime soon.

This isn't as exciting or relevant, but I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. I had a really good hair day today. It was soft, and fell in the right places without much effort. But nobody was there to see it, to recognize it. I mean my mom was at home sure, but she was working, and had plenty of other things to worry about. I wasn't expecting a compliment or anything, I just didn't feel complete knowing that no one was around to see it. Being away from school, from people, for so long, I am now figuring out what that means. It's eye-opening. The choices I make everyday have always been for other people, for what I want my peers and the public to see when they look at me, whether that's my hair, my clothes, my words, and even actions. It's going to be a while until we see other people, which means we all have to figure out the best way to live for ourselves during this "self-quarantine."

What to wear?

DAY 4:

It's Tuesday, and my teachers are starting to establish what schools going to look like from here on out. There are still a lot of uncertainties, which isn't new. It feels like everything these past few weeks have been uncertain, nothing set in stone. That's what's weird about this whole thing, it's all so new and unexpected. I've never lived through this many "firsts" before, and the stability that I grew up calling life has never been disrupted like this. Anyways, back to school. The weirdest part of online school is probably the possibility of actually doing a class over video chat. Both AP U.S. History and Honors English two are preparing to do so. Especially because the possibility of longer extension is becoming more real day by day.

Most classes are already partially online, assignments are on either google classroom or schoology. But the difference between teaching oneself online is very different compared to being able to interact with a teacher. Even if you don't ask questions in class, hearing a teacher answer others, or respond to confused faces is just more natural and better. and now there is no 209 or opportunity to sit down and work out what you can't understand. But we'll figure it out. We have to.

seeing a lot more of this

DAY 5

It's Wednesday! Our impromptu spring break is being eaten away by the anticipation of online school and general fears about how school is going to work.

Covid is officially in all 50 states, which is a little suffocating. I have a couple of friends who are meeting up at hard road park to try and keep it as germ free as possible. I was supposed to be there but I wasn't allowed to go because Corona. My dad went grocery shopping and it looks like people are actually panic buying. luckily before any of this started, our family had gone to Sams Club which means we have pretty much everything in stock, the only thing we will be shopping for is fresh produce.

My dad keeps getting in trouble with my mom for not taking everything seriously enough, which is funny until it's not. He's officially the only family member in our house leaving the house for work, so no matter how much we disinfect, he controls what germs come into the house. Especially because he works at a bank, which is one of the few services that isn't completely deserted yet. The main things we've been most conscientious about are door knobs, and phones. While my mom and I focus on the health aspect of Corona, my dad is more bothered by the economic changes occurring. I can't say that I understand all of the concerns that he expresses for the market, but let's just say that he is more unhappy with our financial state everyday.

still stocked...

DAY 6:

It's Thursday, and the Corona memes have officially taken over. A couple of my personal favorites...

But in all seriousness, even people that weren't caring before care now. My sister refuses to visit us because of how real the risk is, and I have officially reached boredom. The amount of TV I have watched is concerning, but it's hard to stay motivated when it looks like we are going to be home for so long. This afternoon I finally got myself to work out, but that barely compensates for the amount of food I have consumed due to boredom. Plus, our fridge is stocked, so it's not like I am running out anytime soon. I am definitely more relaxed, but long term, this quarantine life is not for me.

The number of group chats I'm in increases everyday. Some are school related some aren't. One of my friends just texted me about how sad it would be if we don't go back to school this year. I couldn't agree more. Like it or not, school is the greatest source of social interaction and activity in our lives. We've lived with it built into our days for basically our entire lives, without it life isn't the same. I miss you Kilbourne! Even the parts I didn't think I would.

So much netflix

DAY 7:

It's Friday!! I just had a two hour Zoom hangout session, this is the world we live in. It was nice seeing faces that aren't related to me. I've been on a bunch of walks and it seems like the entire neighborhood is home. All the cars are still on driveways, and there is no traffic in and out of the neighborhood. I have seen kids on walks that I didn't even know lived in our neighborhood. But the weirdest part is that we've avoided people outside to. Like if someone is walking towards you then one of you has to completely swerve to avoid being close to the other party. Everything almost seemed normal, until you realize that no one is standing close to one another.

In other news, my dad went hardcore grocery shopping. We have a surplus of everything and our pantry and fridge are full. I think he went to the store and saw other people panic buying, which made him buy more than we need. I guess we won't be shopping for a while. My mom was just telling me how she has been changing the way she cooks so that we don't run out of things too fast. Instead of using a lot of white rice, she's been mixing in red rice and other grains so that don't run out of white rice too quickly. When the makes rotis (a type of flat bread) instead of using up all the wheat flour she mixes in a bunch of other flours so that we don't run out of all the wheat flour at once. It's weird having to worry about the future like that. It makes me more aware of how lucky we were before.

stocked pantry

Credits:

Created with images by Heath Vester - "Desk II" • Sandie Clarke - "Ice Cold" • NordWood Themes - "Creative designs for influencers > https://creativemarket.com/NordWood" • Erik Mclean - "untitled image"