It was mamma's birthday yet again ! It's odd when it is ' her ' day and she isn't there with us...My father and us spent the evening of the first year in an inconspicuous orphanage nearby, feeding the inmates. My children distributed some goodies. The 'seva' made us feel happy and distracted as the day wore on. This became a regular practice, with papa quietly writing cheques to contribute to the childrens' welfare. The second time, we sat around a fire ...just us, being part of a 'hawan' that was performed to soothe our aching souls. Its been two and a half years... very difficult two and a half years since my mother left us very suddenly. With great resilience, we; especially my brave father has moved on with the chores that occupy his life - we have trudged ahead, with mamma being a part of us every living moment.

On 23rd of March, 2017, yet another birthday passed me by. Papa was travelling, and had left instructions for a meal to be organised in the orphanage.I had meanwhile been mulling for two years about a storytelling session for a school with special children! Alas, my plans mostly stay in my mind! I sat up till late on the 22nd, and thought and thought about what mamma would have really wanted to do on her birthday. It dawned on me ...she would have loved to write !! So as an ode to her again ( I started to engage in running after I imagined that she was prodding me to do things that I enjoyed...things that I loved...cause there was only one life to live! ) I decided to finally start my blog. I would like to dedicate my very first page to her. And to my wonderful and brave papa. I wish him small and big joys and good health for his time in this wonderful and mystic thing called life! As I write this prologue, it more difficult than I thought. As before, tears roll down and make it harder for me to compose my words. This one is about the short speech that I read out at mamma's prayer ceremony. We were doused in grief and stunned by the magnanimity of it all. Some bits of it may now perhaps seem animated...but I write it down without any changes. I am hoping that the future pen - downs, cover all subjects close to my heart, and that I can revel in them with you...

free as the wind...free as the wind...that is the way, you should be...

As we bid adieu to her ...

My father and I have no words to thank you for being here...I read today , from a script, much to the anguish, I am sure , of my dear mother...but I thought it safe ; lest I weep and forget all my lines! Through these difficult days of trying to get used to life without her, many people have said various things they remember ma to be ...righteous, simple, straightforward and a humble person, who rarely spoke of her myriad achievements in life. As her closest own, the one thing that we remember her to be, is a brave lady who always welcomed life with open arms...she never lived in fear ! Even in darkness, she had faith that there would be something solid to stand on, or you would be taught to fly ...

Like I mentioned to some of her closest friends; mama had a lot of unfinished work to do. I bet she is already busy penning down her beautiful poems up in heaven; cause love , light and the flowers gave her so much happiness and inspiration ! So sorry, we put her up in a world of petty humdrums, where she got lost in her mundane chores...

Just reading out some lines I fished out yesterday in a huff, from one of her huge collection of now fading writing...not her best, but enough to offer tribute to her free spirit and fearless love of life...

Sweet is the pain and sweeter tears, that course us on to wash our fears...

Sweet each hope hath borne each day, that teach me how to wait and pray...

Sweet this silence of the noon, that tells me night shall cometh soon

The ship that sails in tranquil seas with just a whisper of the breeze.

I love the world, I love all men; I love my life, my lonely den

Where in silence ne'er to part ,I hold the whispers of thy heart

Each hour my joys forever leap. I love the world ! I shall not weep...

Mansi Kataria

Photo Credits : Author and her father