Reality-Based Romance Making dating fun & relationships easy

What if crazy and stupid in love could become sexy and skillful in love?

The good news? It can. It has for many women. And it can for you to if you're willing to figure out what you want, be honest about who you really are, and don't mind a little good-old-fashioned hard (and honestly it's not that hard and some of it's even fun!) work. I am an Iowa girl after all. At this point in life, I'm still uncertain about a lot of things. One thing I'm not uncertain about? We've become stupid when it comes to love and silly when it comes to dating.

Here's what it took me 4 decades to learn. Love is meant to be fun, easy, and YES even enjoyable. That includes ALL parts of love. Yes...even the dating part. So here I am 50 (?) years old and finally I can say I'm Janet Tingwald, and I am in love...with love. May the same happen for you and everyone you cherish.

We've Become Stupid (not skilled) At Love & Romance

We think that because love is about emotions that it requires no skill. The truth is that is exactly why love requires MORE - not less - in the way of skills. In love and romance, we are dealing with all of the practicalities of everyday life that leave even the most positive among us feeling like crap sometimes; and we're dealing with all of the unconscious, the subconscious, and the I-pretend-I'm-not-conscious stuff that bubbles up making us act like a crazed maniac. In relationships we're contending with matters of the head and the heart. Which means both the headaches and the heartaches are bigger requiring smart thinking and skillful maneuvering.

We do ourselves a fantastic disservice when stay stuck in guilt feeling like a failure for something we were unlikely to succeed at in the first place without some education and training. We become like the child who wants to quit playing piano after her first three weeks because she does not play perfectly. Even worse is when we throw up our hands in powerlessness as if to say, "Well, what can I do about it? It's just the way it is I suppose."

What could you do about it? Besides make different choices, critically reflect, learn from your role in the whole mess, or think about who you are and what you want so you don't drag some other person, and some other person's friends and family through a psychodrama created purely by your own refusal to step up to the plate? Not to mention your friends and family whom I guarantee are sick of it at this point as it's usually a pattern and not a cute one.

There is quite a lot we can do about it; in fact, as women we're remarkably powerful, we've just traded away for too long the knowledge of how to use that power. This includes being relationship ready, which I'll talk more about later in the "Relationship Readiness" section.

Part of embracing reality is taking responsibility, but in order to do that we must also reclaim our true strength (and don't worry - it involves no shoulder pads!), a strength only to be found by looking straight into the eyes of reality. And seeing reality begins in only one place.

A place as well known by a certain wicked stepmother and her porcelain-toned daughter as it is to each and every woman today.

The Mirror

The mirror lurks for women. It lingers, waiting to remind us of our flaws. Whether it's beauty, flawlessly preserved in shiny magazine gloss mirroring supermodel perfect back to us; or the rearview mirror of our car we were certain we could avoid (how many times have I driven this thing after all) until the brighter, better shade of lipgloss we ordered arrives. A reminder to be perfect, and a reminder that you never will be. As women, it's clear that the time has come...to reclaim the mirror.

To reclaim the mirror however; requires doing the hardest thing of all. If we want to take back its power, we must look into it, and for the first time see ourselves as we truly are.

Created By
Michael Mapes
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