The Journey...

July 31st, 1982 is when my journey began. That is when I was born, brought into life on this planet we call Earth. That being said I am in my 30's, I have a pretty good life (now), 5 amazing kids, 1 great son-in-love ( as corny as it is, yes, in love ), a wonderful husband of almost 17 years and I FINALLY feel brave enough to share my journey with people. Well at least the major parts that can shape and alter you. Why now? Because over the past year I have had more ladies come than any other previous year and I have seen them open up to me, so now I am ready.

Abuse...

We can't pick our parents. Many people don't know this about me but my biological mother abused me from a VERY young age until April 2015. Yes, until 2015. I have a scar on my forehead from when I was 4 and she threw an iron skillet at me, she put my hands on a hot skillet, that had oil and potatoes in it when I was 5, when I was 6 she busted out an apartment window with my head. My brother and I moved in with my grandparents when I was 7 and he was 5. We had to move back in with my biological mother when she got into a "fight" with my aunt when I was 11. It was that same year she tried to "pimp me out" to a 23 year old "man". I think something "clicked" and I realized she didn't really care about me, so then I started "hanging out" with some people. Some where good, most were "bad". I just knew I didn't want to be "home". Longer story short. I got pregnant with my oldest daughter when I was 13, had her when I was 14. I "straightened up" as soon as I found out. I put her in my school's daycare, I got a babysitting job Mon-Fri, it was immediately after school, was able to take my daughter with me, it was GREAT money actually, however they got laid off, so I went to work at Dairy Queen when I was 15, then went to Walmart when I was 16. I paid for summer school classes and also graduated from high school- 1 year early, with honors, college credits, a full time job and a 2 year old. I also met my NOW husband 2 weeks after I graduated. We moved in together 2 months after knowing each other and we got married before our "1 year anniversary".

Lies...

My biological mother constantly lied to me. She told me that a man would never love me for being a teen mom, she told me that you HAVE to be sexually available for your man at any time or he WILL cheat, she told me my biological father beat her and that he never paid child support, she told me the reason why people would come over and leave was my fault, she told me I needed to drop out of high school, she told me I needed to adopt my oldest out.... she put me in beauty pageants and told me when I didn't place "queen" it was because they thought I was ugly, she told me when I didn't place at gymnastics meets that it was because I was too fat.... I can really go on... I won't. Why? Because they are LIES. I was a size 2 when I was in gymnastics, I seriously thought I was fat though. I finished school with a 2 year old. My biological dad has showed me reports of HER abuse to him ( surprise ) and all his child support payments, not everyone wins queen every time, my husband has never cheated on me and I have not always "put out". Lies. All. Of. It.

Why am I telling you this?

Because I know struggles are real. I don't let too many people into my life on a daily basis. I have people who think I am a snob or they don't take the time to know me because I am not "FROM HERE". I have people who don't know me, who have never even had ONE conversation with me who HATES me, people who only hear that I treated someone wrong ( most likely because I "stuck to my business policies" and didn't give them a "freebie" or because over the past 5 years I have learned to just speak my mind and sometimes the truth hurts. But because of all the LIES in my life, spewed out from the one person I should have been able to trust the most ( which is why I don't speak to her anymore, the few years before I completely stopped all communications with her was SO SO SOOOO rough because I was on the "TRUTH MISSION" and she HATED IT ) I will only speak the truth and sometimes it is not fluffy and happy and sweet. Sometimes it is, but sometimes it is just not. I am here to tell you that you can be real. You can be raw. You can be honest. You can be you.

Realization & a promise to myself.

I made a promise to myself on Christmas Day 2015 to totally LIVE my life to the fullest. In which I started doing in 2016. I started shooting more of what I loved, not just to get paid, I went to a workshop where I FINALLY met my mentor in person and friend. I lost some people who weren't good for me, I gained some badass people. I did a little boudoir shoot for myself even. I believe I became a better mom and wife because A LOT of stress was lifted.

Acceptance & Achievement.

Be proud of yourself & be proud of what you do.

Do the thing...

Do the thing, do what you need to do. Be an awesome human, don't lie. Help when you can. Accept help when you need it. Love with every fiber of your being.

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