I see a old door in front of me, blue paint was chipping off. I slowly step off the grass towards it, I’m at the door and I hold the door knob in my hand. I hear a humming from inside, I’m so curious I can’t help myself I open the door and… There’s a girl. No… not a girl, me! But yet, it’s not me. I’m deadly skinny, just skin and bones.
Hey! You found me! Finally, I thought that you had forgot about me. Sorry about Lily, but she was the one that made you this way, wasn't she?
“What are you talking about, what happened to Lily?
Oh you haven't found out yet. You’ll figure it out soon enough!
“What’s wrong with you?! You look...so… scary.”
What?! I thought you wanted this. Is this not what you were hoping for, starving for? Listen, I know you thought that the whole “hunger” thing was just some kind of quick diet, but let me tell you something. When you start it’s just a simple trick to lose weight. When you think that you’re ready to stop you feel disgusted by the thought of food. Once you start, you can’t stop. This is what you become. I am what you’ll be in just a few short months. After that all you’ll be is someone buried 6 feet deep. Are we clear? Are you sure you still want to skip dinner? Or do you want to go through that door and never become as beautiful as me?
I, or she, points at the door behind her, simultaneously glaring at me.
I wake up in a hospital bed, confused as ever. I remember the fire and I start moving my arms and legs to make sure I’m not hurt. I’m seemingly fine. I sit up, feeling a sharp zap of pain through my head. I notice the nurse call button on the stand next to the bed and press it. Soon enough a young nurse is popping her head into the adjacent door.
“What’s the matter, sweetheart?” she asks in an all too chirpy voice
“What happened to my friend, Lily Remz? And my mom, Ruth Long?” I ask, immediately the woman's face drops and I know something bad happened.
“Your mom is fine, but your friend…” She trails off
“What happened to her?!” I yell, right then I get a flashback to my hallucination “Sorry about Lily, but she was the one who made you this way, wasn’t she?”
“Your friend has passed.” My stomach drops and I feel my throat get dry. Oh well, she was just going to hold me back anyway. I scream, my head spinning.
I don’t say anything after that. I just sit here. My world went blank, then I was in the entrance of a door with blue paint chipping off. I turn the handle and there the skinny version of me stood for the second time. I step in.
Have you decided?
“I’ll stay here.” Then she laughs a cold soulless laugh. The kind you hear in horror films, the kind that sends shivers down your spine. I wanted to turn back and go out the door, to change my fait. But there was nothing anymore, I was stuck.
I’m back in my hospital room. I realize that I’m not hungry. There’s a different nurse in my room holding a needle and a tube.
“What are you doing?” I ask, confused
“Oh you’re awake! Well I was giving you some food, the doctors say your calcium and nutrient levels were down to critical levels.” The nurse explains
“What?! Oh no, no, no, no! No!” I’m yelling but not necessarily at the nurse. I think I’m yelling at myself. I have food inside myself, I’m going to gain back everything.
“Calm down, if you didn’t get this food you could have starved to death.” I look at the nurse dead in the eye. I stare at her for a few seconds then I finally say
“That’s the point.” I say it so cold that it surprises even me.
About 30 minutes later I’m in a room surrounded two doctors, and yet another new nurse. I’m not quite sure what was happening. While all this was happening the little voice inside my head keeps talking. You have food inside you. You need to get it out. Get it out. You’ll gain back everything. Stop eating. Suddenly I can’t see anything anymore. I think I was asleep. I wake up later, no idea what happened. My mom is next to my bed whispering. I couldn’t quite hear what she was saying but she looked stressed, her head was down.
“Mom?” I see her raise her head, tears in her eyes. She hugs me.
“Baby! Oh gosh I had no idea I’m so sorry I didn’t help you. I should have known. You were beautiful before! I got you a therapist and nutritionist and you are going to get help, honey. I love you”
Instead of fighting I agreed, suddenly her being here silenced all negative thoughts I had. “I love you too.” There was a brief moment of silence before I remembered those doctors who were here earlier.
“Mom, what were all those people doing in here?”
She wiped a tear from her eye “They thought you were having a cardiac arrest but it was a false sign. I wasn’t 100 percent clear on the details either but besides your...problem, you were fine”
I smile at her and I realize in that moment that I was going to be alright.