Brianna was my given name. Based solely on the fact that it flowed well, it was the name I would live with for my entire life. I have been told that a list of names was curated, and Brianna Rose Ankstitus was the final decision on who I was going to be. Dad joked that he wanted me to be named Nicodemus, if I was a boy, that is. I’m quite glad that it hadn’t worked out, even though it was the name given to one of my ancestors. I’ve been told I could have been a Kandice, but they feared that I would have been dubbed as Candy. Candy’s too sweet, it’s something that I could have been made fun of for. When I was younger I would spend time thinking of all of the names that made up Brianna. I had a list; Bri, Anna, Brian, Rianna, and Ann. I quite liked my name, actually. I'd only met one other Brianna, and I didn't see her often.
I only wished there were a bit more meaning behind it. I remember being in CCD when I was young and how we spent an entire class dedicated to the research of each student’s names and the catholic meanings behind them. There wasn’t any information on my name. The closest one to it was Brian, a celtic name, meaning high or noble. One person cannot be defined by a set of adjectives, there aren’t enough to pay anyone justice. The ones in the book just don’t fit. That Christmas, Santa brought me a wonderful frame with a certificate inside, defining me. It was so close to representing who I was, that it was as if he really knew me.
I have always loved more obscure names and the way that they roll of the tongue, as opposed to the most popular names of a child’s birth year. My name ranked eighteen on the top girls names list for 2001. Uncommon names are interesting and they spark curiosity whenever someone new glances over them for the first time. With these names there’s a worry about how others might try to spell the name on a day to day basis, whereas popular names are usually spelled the same way every time.
Names are something that are carried for an entire lifetime, and it’s unfortunate that they aren't something easily controllable. It’s up to the parents, no matter the bearers opinion. Brianna has become part of my personality. I have built a reputation around it that is to precious to shake. I wouldn’t change it for the life of me.
An Endless Galaxy
My room has morphed over the years to reflect my personality. The room was decorated for my birth by my mother and Memere. Not by me. Not in my own way. Fuzzy baby pink carpet matched perfectly with painted furniture. Little trinkets including a carousel horse and a porcelain doll of a girl with my age on it, given to me by my godfather, sat upon the bureau. There’s a bookcase overflowing with tales read to me each night. Stuffed animals sat upon every space with a vacancy. A wooden desk with a fascinating roll down cover is next to my bedside, adorned with leopard print sheets. Two windows facing away from the sun let in little light. I can remember debating with Mom about how I wished to paint the walls in blue and orange stripes, my beloved opposite colors. Looking back, I’m quite glad that I hadn’t, for now I am older and have new visions. The room is my own, but when I was a young girl it didn’t represent me.
As the years have passed, the colors change to more vibrant hues. I matured, and the way I displayed my passions did with it. I took it upon myself one vacation to paint an entire wall in galaxy. I wanted to make the room my own. Stepping into the door, on the left wall is the massive painting. A dark navy covers the wall while speckles of white resemble stars in the purple and pink gaseous nebulae. I poured hours of work into the piece, and it’s a constant reminder of the work and dedication it takes to accomplish your greatest dreams. Fairy lights dwell along the walls. Lining shelves are mementos of times in the past and activities I hold near and dear. The tales of princesses have been replaced by novels of fantasy and magic. The rolling cover on the desk was removed, revealing a paint splattered and cluttered place of concentration and productivity. My room is home.