Anxiety, depression and restless thoughts, overthinking is what keep me up at night and makes me sleep during the day.
It seems to me, that dealing with a mind that never stops turning, is a mind that never stops for anything, not even a small ordeal. When I sit, and think, I think almost all the time of the future, what is and what could be. I think that gets to me the most. We put so much weight on the shoulders of young people today, that the rise of mental health has become a serious on going issue. I believe I suffer from a little mental health, in a way, I believe we all inevitably do.
The feeling of anxiety and depression come with the territory. Dealing with a restless mind, I’m always thinking of what direction my life is heading. That irritating thought in the back of your head that keeps you questioning everything in your everyday life. Will that help me? Should I talk to that person? Will they be around in a year? Can I afford this? Will it lock me down for the next 10 years in debt? All these types of question run rampant through my thoughts. My dating life, my financial stability, my education plan and my career path, are all affected because I can’t seem to put together my thoughts.
Recently, I attended counselling services at my college, my first time speaking with a psychiatric professional. It was a 50-minute session, we spoke, it was interesting, but I wasn’t sure what I had fully achieved afterwards. I wasn’t sure how I felt when I left the session, there was a moment of relief that I had told someone my problems, but nothing concrete. I don’t know if it was because I need to talk more about my problems, or that I didn’t find solace in speaking with the person I confided in. It was almost as if, the person I had opened up to was the wrong one, as if he didn’t get me nor understand me for who I am.
We play off these mental imbalances as brief, periodic, young people issues, a quarter life crisis of sorts. People, mainly adults, will tell you that you will eventually “get over” it, because you’re young and you have plenty of time to make choices in life, at least that is the same excuse I get told. What they don’t understand, is that doesn’t cut it. I worry, we worry, young people worry. We look at our future, and it’s a big time consuming, debt building, stressful imbalance in our young lives. There are those who say our twenties are the best years of our lives, I disagree. To me, my twenties have been nothing but an anxious, depressive, overthinking, over-worrying time period in my life, where the only escape is at the bottom of a bottle during a Friday or Saturday evening. In reality, surveys have shown that our twenties are usually the toughest parts in our lives, where there is no stability and vast periods of ongoing frustration.
I just want it to be over. Not my life! That was not a suicide implication! Shame on you for thinking so! No, I’m talking about all the stress and worry we deal with as young adults. I hate living with a restless mind. Not knowing what to pick and choose to care about at a time. Having trouble thinking about the future is the most prominent issue, while others still intertwine periodically.
My moral judgment is another problem thrown into the mix. Wanting to choose between, who you think you are and what you want to be is a huge toss up for your moral judgement, which can in turn, impact your future. In my time being a journalism student, reading the news is sort of an everyday hobby of mine, even though I periodically kept track of the news before my time as a journalism student, it always gets to me. Observing the events from around the world, it inspires me to make a difference in my life and in others. What gets to me, is I don’t know what to do to compromise between my life and helping others. On one hand, I want to just care about the money and having stability in my life, on the other hand, I want to be that person who doesn’t care about money or the big job, so once again I’m back to emphasize my point. Living with a restless mind sucks. It’s troublesome, full of anxiety, depression and ongoing personality struggles. It’s just something that myself and others need to open up about, while others take an understanding to it and support it.