Learning Outcome #1
Recognizing and Revising Self-Talk Patterns
I was in my room doing calculus homework one night and I consistently got the answers wrong and I could not figure out why and I got frustrated and I kept saying I won’t ever be able to do this I’m going to fail like I did last semester. I stopped working on the homework and gave up and said I’m just an idiot when it comes to math and I won’t ever understand it so how am I supposed to be an engineering major if I can’t understand calculus. I think to channel these thoughts towards my inner guide; I could have considered that I need more help this semester and it’s not going to be easy but I must do it. I could use this as inspiration to make sure I go to tutoring so I will have a better grasp of the material. I know I shouldn’t refer to myself as an idiot so I need to focus on the good in the situation which would be the questions that I did get right.
I was in my ag econ class and we just got done taking a quiz and my professor went over the answers with us and I did one step wrong and it caused me to do most a question wrong. I heard this voice saying it was a mistake others made and that it wasn’t my fault it was explained weird in class. I could channel this toward my inner guide by recognizing that I should have paid better attention to what was going on in class. I could have asked for a clearer explanation in class so I would have understood it before I left class the day we talked about it. I could change how I thought of the mistake by saying it was an honest mistake and I will do better on the exam because I won’t make the same mistake again.
I was in an elevator going up to my room after a long day of classes and there a girl in the elevator with me and all I could hear was this voice repeating say “hey and ask how her day was” and it said hurry or you will lose your chance. I did say hey and asked how her day was and I felt like I made a step forward in overcoming my shyness. Once I got up too my room I heard myself say good job and it felt amazing knowing I could talk to someone I didn’t even know. It was a small conversation but a big victory for my confidence and I felt like I could do it again and that it would be possible for me to overcome my shyness. I called one of my best friends that I usually tell everything and I told her about what happened and she was happy for me and it helped me feel even better.
In my life, the inner voice I hear most often is my inner critic and honestly it is terrible to have this as the default setting for how I refer to myself. The reasons for this being my default setting are simple to me at least. One of them is that I don’t want to let anyone down I try so hard to do my best so my family will be proud of everything that I do and anytime I do something wrong or fail a test I beat myself up because I feel that I failed them and myself. I feel scared to talk to other people and to share what I feel unless I trust them and know them well because I think that as soon as I open my mouth I’m going to get laughed at or ignored. I have experienced times when I’ve been paralyzed with fear when I’ve tried to talk to someone I didn’t know and it hurts sometimes to talk to people I know and trust. I want to change this setting so much I’m so tired of feeling like this. I have tried to change some but I haven’t made much headway in that fight. I have tried forcing myself to talk to people and ignoring all the warning sounds that go off in my mind. I have also tried going out with friends and talking to people that are at the same place and it has worked because I feel safe with my friends around me. I think that I could try small scale interactions in groups of people half being friends and half being people I don’t know very well. I believe that if I get help from my friends and continue thinking positively and not overthinking situations I can make progress. I think that in the future I will be able to move past my shyness and can ignore my inner critic.