This presentation includes text, videos, weblinks, and other content regarding dating and domestic violence. It is possible that something you read/watch during this presentation will trigger an emotional response, whether or not you have experienced dating or domestic violence yourself. Please seek help if needed.
PC student and employee recourses:
- Registered students can get free confidential support through PC Timely Care
- Employees can get confidential help by using the KCCD Employee Assistance Program
What's The Difference
Across the United States, dating and domestic violence are serious issues. These forms of violence are present in relationships of all kinds. No one deserves to be abused, no matter what.
When cases of domestic and dating violence are brought to the attention of officials or trusted family and /or friends, there is often a misunderstanding about how the two are defined legally. The following presentation will legally define the difference between the two and identify warning signs and how to help someone end the cycle of abuse.
Definitions
Domestic violence is an intimate/relational relationships form of abuse that takes place in any relationship. Examples of domestic violence relationships include:
- Husband/wife
- Brother/sister, nephew/aunt
- Boyfriend/girlfriend, longtime partners, etc.
Dating violence is any form of abuse that takes place in a dating relationship.
Types of relationships:
- Partners
- Dating
- Friends with benefits
.
Penal Code 273.5-Domestic Violence / Corporal Injury
California Penal Code 273.5 is the infliction of corporal injury on a spouse, former spouse, cohabitant, former cohabitant, or mother or father of one's child, creating a “traumatic condition.” California Penal Code Section 273.5 can be filed as a felony or a misdemeanor.
As a misdemeanor, it carries a penalty of up to one year in county jail.
As a felony, it carries penalties of up to four years in state prison.
By “traumatic condition,” Penal Code 273.5 refers to a visible injury on the victim's body, whether significant or slight.
The Cycle of violence
The cycle of violence is a pattern of behaviors that keeps survivors locked in the abusive relationship.
Understanding the cycle of violence is crucial in stopping relationship violence as well as in answering the most common questions regarding abuse.
There are three stages to the cycle of violence:
- First is the tension-building phase. In this phase, the batterer gets edgy and tension begins to build up. This is where the battered person may feel like they are walking on eggshells.
- Second is the actual explosion phase where the abuse occurs. It can last from a few minutes to several hours.
- Third is the honeymoon phase. The perpetrator may be sorry or act like nothing happened; but is still interested in making up and may even promise never to do it again.
However, the tension almost always starts to build again, thus continuing the cycle.
Domestic Violence
When people think of domestic abuse, they often focus on domestic violence, but domestic abuse includes any attempt by one person in an intimate relationship or marriage to gain Power and Control over the person experiencing harm/abuse.
An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” An abuser uses fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear the victim down and keep the victim under their thumb.
Signs of an Abusive Relationship
There are many signs of an abusive relationship, and a fear of your partner is the most telling.
- If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around them
- Constantly watching what you say and do in order to avoid a blow-up
Chances are the relationship is unhealthy or abusive. Other signs include a partner who belittles or tries to control the victim, and feelings of self-loathing, helplessness, and desperation.
DATING VIOLENCE
Dating violence is exactly the same as Domestic violence with the deference where the partners may live. While dating, the partners may not live together which can give the victim more space from the abuser than if they lived together.
Examples of Unhealthy Relationships:
- Avoiding important problems
- Inconsiderate of other's boundaries beliefs, thoughts, etc
- Lack of trust
- Dishonesty
- Trying to Take control
- Only spending time with the partner
Examples of Abusive Relationships:
- Hurtful communication
- Disrespect of other's boundaries, beliefs thoughts, etc
- Physical harm
- Blames of makes excuses
- Minimzation
- Control and isolation
- Pressure and force
Trauma Responses that can be caused by dating violence
Behavioral
- Antisocial acts
- Emotional outburst
- Increased aggression
- Impulsive/Reckless behavior
- Sleep problems
- Self-harm
Cognitive / Mental
- Confusion
- Memory problems
- Poor attention and concentration
- Hypervigilance
- Negative repetitive thoughts
Physical
- Aches and pains
- Twitching
- Muscle tension
- Headaches/Dizziness
Possible long term effects of experiencing trauma
- Denial of the traumatic event or events
- Developing numbness to the trauma (detaching emotions from thoughts and actions)
- Extreme anger or sadness
- Emotional outburst
- Experiencing outburst (emotional dysregulation)
- Experiencing shame as a response to the tramua
- Somatic symptoms (physical responses, like shaking)
- Sleep problems and insomnia
- Breathing problems
- Gastrointestinal problems
- High blood pressure or cardiovascular disorders
- Substance abuse disorders
- Development of PTSD
Warning Signs of People Being Abused
- Seem afraid or anxious to please their partner
- Go along with everything their partner says and does
- Check in often with their partner to report where they are and what they’re doing
- Receive frequent, harassing phone calls from their partner
- Talk about their partner’s temper, jealousy, or possessiveness
Warning Signs of Physical Violence
- Have frequent injuries, with the excuse of “accidents”
- Frequently miss work, school, or social occasions, without explanation
- Dress in clothing designed to hide bruises or scars (e.g. wearing long sleeves in the summer or sunglasses indoors)
Warning Signs of Isolation
- Being restricted from seeing family and friends
- Rarely go out in public without their partner
- Have limited access to money, credit cards, or the car
Psychological Warning Signs
- Have very low self-esteem, even if they used to be confident
- Show major personality changes (e.g. an outgoing person becomes withdrawn)
- Be depressed, anxious, or suicidal
Speak Up If You Suspect Domestic or Dating Abuse
If you suspect that someone you know is being abused, speak up! If you’re hesitating
- Telling yourself that it’s none of your business, you might be wrong,
- Or that the person might not want to talk about it
Keep in mind that expressing your concern will let the person know that you care and may even save their life.
Talk to the person in private and let them know that you’re concerned. Point out the signs you’ve noticed that worry you. Tell the person that you’re there for them, whenever they feel ready to talk.
Do:
- Belive and validate
- Show empathy
- Listen
- Remain calm
- Let them know it was not their fault
- Before any physical contact, ask for permission
- Let the survivor express themselves and their feelings however they need to
- Not everyone reacts in the same way to trauma. There is no right or wrong way to act or feel
Dont:
- Wait for them to come to you
- Judge or blame
- Pressure them
- Place conditions on your support
Fighting Against Violence
Women are most often the battered party in a violent relationship, although men are frequently victimized as well, in both heterosexual and same-sex relationships.
More than 38 million American women have been victims of domestic violence. The internet has opened up new ways for abusers to dominate, intimidate, and control the people in their lives through manipulation, cyber-stalking, and emotional blackmail.
But new research, and the rise of the #MeToo movement, have exposed ways for abuse victims to fight back and free themselves from the fear and control of dangerous, narcissistic abusers.
What Happens When The Abusive Relationship Ends?
Domestic violence does not always end when the victim escapes the abuser, tries to terminate the relationship, and/or seeks help.
Often, it intensifies because the abuser feels a loss of control over the victim. Abusers frequently continue to stalk, harass, threaten, and try to control the victim after the victim escapes.
In fact, the victim is often in the most danger directly following the escape of the relationship or when they seek help:
- 1/5 of homicide victims with restraining orders are murdered within two days of obtaining the order
- 1/3 are murdered within the first month.
Unfair blame is frequently put upon the victim of abuse because of assumptions that victims choose to stay in abusive relationships.
The truth is, bringing an end to abuse is not a matter of the victim choosing to leave
- It is a matter of the victim being able to safely escape their abuser
- The abuser choosing to stop the abuse
- Others (e.g., law enforcement, courts) holding the abuser accountable for the abuse they inflict.
Where to Get Help
- PC College Safety 559-791-2440
- Tulare County DA 559-636-5494
- Tulare County SO 559-782-9650
- Porterville PD 559-782-7400
- Porterville Women's Shelter 559-784-0192
- Break the Cycle
- Domestic Violence & Abuse Help Guide
- thehotline.org
Credits:
Created with images by sasint - "couple holding hands beach" • PublicDomainPictures - "love couple holding hands" • geralt - "board school self confidence"