I need something that's more than coffee but less than cocaine....
And lo', I've found the perfect balance for that! It's called coffee! Injected straight into the blood stream.
No, that's not dangerous, but I'll tell you what is. See, exhibit A:
Work and Coffee.
Work. By itself, and depending on what your basis of work surrounds, it's a terrible, awful, soul-wrenching side-effect of obtaining money. But recent studies have shown that when you combine the negativity of work with the compound coffee, it may not be enough to turn work into a positive, but it is enough to make it bearable.
And bearable is agreeable, so long as compound coffee is readily available during all work hours.
See, people who don't guzzle the life-sustaining force that is coffee on a regular basis don't understand it's importance in the average workplace. So, in effort at educating the uninformed masses, here is a very short list of things coffee enables the body to do while at work:
1. Show up on time: Perhaps the most crucial thing coffee allows the body to do is show up to work in the first place. Because without showing up, there is no work, and if there's no work, chances are high there's no money to buy coffee in the first place. It's but one of life's many painful circles that we've all gotten used to. The ones capable of achieving this near impossible feat without aid of caffeine, well, God bless you and your youthful spirit (enjoy it while it lasts).
2. Fake it until you make it: Because let's be completely honest, everyone who has ever worked in some capacity knows what it's like to alter your face into a charming yet wholly fake smile, and for a number of reasons. Maybe you were too nice to tell that blithering idiot next to you, who keeps prattling on about his weekend, to shut up. Maybe one of your co-workers just dropped a joke drier than the Sahara desert. Maybe that sod from accounting forgot to label his reports correctly so now you've got to go behind him and fix his folly while simultaneously wondering how he got/gets to keep his job. Whatever the case, that constipated rictus you call a smile? Thank you, coffee.
3. Keeps your tongue in a state of civility: Oh sure, it may seem like a good idea to curse out any and everybody who has the misfortune to cross your path, and more often than not it's primed to be a well-deserved verbal thrashing yet unheard by mortal ears, but one sip from 'Heavens Nectar' is quick to remind you that, for the time being, you need that job. For whatever reason, you need it, and coffee is there to reason that dropping F-bombs on your boss's desk while you hop about like a crazed monkey is detrimental in all the ways. Every single one.
4. Engage sympathy receptors: Because, again, let's put the decaf down and be upfront. Half the time, before that first sip of coffee, the body is not well-adjusted enough to handle whatever sob story your co-workers have been waiting to lob at you the moment you walk in the office. You're simply unable to muster up a single damn to give about whose cousin got beat with a bat, whose dog has fleas, or who broke up with whom. And when they finish, all red-eyed and sniffling, and see you standing there, looking just as indifferent as when you woke up, they're quick to call you 'cold' or 'unfeeling' for your lack of enthusiasm toward their plight. Well, that's kind of what they get for trying to engage in a level of conversation that requires far too many emotions without allowing coffee time to ignite the core receptor needed to funnel them all: sympathy. So, basically, save the tears until the second cup.
5. Reminds you that there is better yet to come: Imagine getting to work (don't start cringing with horror yet) and you've forgotten your morning coffee (okay, now you can cringe); you're probably wishing a comet would just crash through your office, take out everything in a blazing ball of glory--and you continue that line of cheery thought up until you finally make it to the blessed coffee machine. Some time later, you're refreshed, clear-headed, ready to fight off that fire-breathing paperwork! And even while dealing with simple-minded co-workers, office equipment hellbent on slowing you down, late lunches, elevator delays, out-of-ink printers, staple-less staplers... you still manage to keep that spring in your step. How? And why? Because. Tucked away in your caffeine-controlled mind, there's a space constantly reminding you that work is finite. You're going to be through sooner or later, you just have to outlast it.
And coffee is there to aid you in that battle.
serenity, thy name is coffee
Shhh... You hear that? It's the sound of quiet. And coffee....
Coffee pairs nicely with silence. Which is utterly true. As I'm sure millions of coffee-lovers will tell you, sometimes there's nothing better than getting that perfect cup of joe and settling down somewhere warm, cozy, and most importantly, silent.
There's just a magical, almost ethereal, force at work when you can find time to match coffee and silence together. It's comparable to watching a flower bloom, or listening to a gentle storm; it's a tranquil moment that fills you with warmth. And even if it doesn't, that's what you got coffee for!