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Fight or Flight Overcoming Self-Doubt to Join an Unforgettable Journey at Sea

Written by Shellby Johnson; USC Sea Grant 2021 Knauss Fellow

Published November 1, 2021

The human fight or flight reaction is commonly used to describe the physiological reaction our body makes in response to danger. I’m not just talking about typical dangers such as swerving to avoid an obstacle in the road or deciding to investigate a strange noise in the darkness. I’m talking about danger from good ol’ fashioned stress as well. When I received an unexpected invitation during my Knauss Fellowship to join an ocean exploration transit across the North Atlantic, stress definitely entered the room, but I chose to fight, and it was one of the best professional and personal experiences of my life.

As the reality of both what I had to do and how quickly it would happen began to sink in, that “heck yeah” quickly turned into an “oh no” and I wanted to hit the “flight” button.

Five months into my fellowship with the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA)’s Office of Oceanic and Atmospheric Research as the Special Assistant to the Assistant Administrator, the invite in question came from a former Knauss Fellow, Mattie Rodrigue, who served in my position three years before me. Now the Science Lead for OceanX, a non-profit ocean exploration organization and NOAA partner, Mattie reached out to gauge my interest and willingness to help stand up a pilot OceanX Young Explorers Program and also participate as science faculty to teach and mentor students while aboard OceanX's scientific research and media vessel, OceanXplorer. At first glance, my response was of course, “Heck yeah! How could I say no to an opportunity like this?” As the reality of both what I had to do and how quickly it would happen began to sink in, that “heck yeah” quickly turned into an “oh no” and I wanted to hit the “flight” button.

Mattie Rodrigue and I.

There I was at a crossroads with my brain telling me every reason why I should run away from this opportunity --- Your job is way too busy, you don't have time to prepare--- you don’t necessarily have a background in ocean exploration, you don’t belong in this space --- there are so many better-qualified people to do this than you --- you don’t have any experience living or working on a research vessel--- and the list went on. Not to mention, I would be traveling to and through several countries on my way to reach the ship during COVID-19 restrictions, which brings its own set of concerns. But then I remembered one of the reasons why I even accepted the Knauss Fellowship in the first place --- to have access to experiences I may not have been afforded otherwise and to grow professionally in my field. So I put on my boxing gloves and prepared to push past my self-doubt. My Fellowship has been all the better for it.

My time on board OceanXplorer was truly an adventure from start to finish.

My time onboard OceanXplorer was truly an adventure from start to finish. The experience began with a 20+ hour journey from Atlanta, GA to Paris, then Lisbon, and finally to Ponta Delgada, Azores in Portugal. Once there, myself, 3 other science faculty members from Gloucester Marine Genomics Institute and Coral Vita, and 10 eager college and post-grad students landed for embarkation onto this state-of-the-art ocean science and media vessel. Before boarding the vessel, we were quarantined for 5 days in Ponta Delgada with almost daily COVID-19 testing to ensure a safe environment onboard. Once the five days were up, we were off! I climbed the ladder to enter the ship, was shown to my cabin with my roommate, and plopped down onto my bed. I thought to myself, “Woah, I’m really here and now I have to deliver.” Cue an internal panic looking for that “flight” button again.

Looking at Ireland and Scotland's amazing coastline from the port side of the ship.
I was getting up every day...successfully helping run a pilot Young Explorers Program with OceanX while getting to make some unforgettable memories of my own.

As the ship set sail, I watched from the bridge deck as the port and mountains of the Azores faded into the distance. I was filled with conflicting emotions gazing out over the back deck --- I was getting to be a part of this amazing experience on this beautiful and impressive ship, but I also was partly in charge of running an ocean exploration program and presenting about NOAA’s science and services. All while serving an agency that I had been at for only five and a half short months and was just a fellow; talk about pressure! However, before I knew it, I was getting up every day and having breakfast with the captain and crew, and successfully helping run a pilot Young Explorers Program with OceanX while getting to make some unforgettable memories of my own.

Presenting about NOAA and Sea Grant aboard the ship.
Supervising students in the OceanX Wet Lab.

As I ventured through my 12-day transit at sea with the program, I was reminded every day what I would have missed if I would have run from this opportunity because it seemed scary and “out of my league.” I would have missed students and colleagues alike being very intrigued and impressed with NOAA after my presentations. I would have missed connecting with students and providing valuable mentorship to them as they navigate their own journey with ocean science, especially the young Black women who don’t get to see themselves in this space. I would have missed touring state-of-the-art submarines and underwater remotely operated vehicles (ROVs) and deploying a Conductivity, Temperature, and Depth (CTD) instrument to 2600 meters near a hydrothermal vent site. I would have missed seeing the beautiful coasts of Ireland and Scotland. I would have missed having a delicious 4th of July bbq on the back deck with the waves of the Atlantic crashing against the ship. I would have even missed meeting the senior filmmaker and producer for one of OceanX's longtime collaborators, James Cameron (who created Avatar and Titanic, to name a few) who joined us on this transit to film!

Deploying the CTD to 2600 meters in the North Atlantic over a newly discovered hydrothermal vent!
...my actions rippled beyond my own personal gain and touched the greater good of NOAA.

As an added bonus, my time and work aboard OceanXplorer helped to strengthen and nurture an important relationship with one of NOAA’s vital partners. Once I returned stateside, I connected other NOAA personnel with OceanX to recommend how our organizations can help one another in the future. Thus, my actions rippled beyond my own personal gain and touched the greater good of NOAA.

An unexpected discovery of a shipwreck off the coast of Scotland.

At the end of the day, it is often so interesting what we can learn and experience when we don’t let the “flight” side of things control us. We can end up seeing just how capable we really are; I know I did. That being said, if you hear a strange noise in the darkness and want to flee, running is okay in this case of danger. But don’t run from great opportunities.