How to survive 5th grade in mrs. kolff's class Kaleb Gjestson

#1: Mrs. kolff hates the word "Budge! do not use it, as she will cringe and you will be sent to the end of the line! don't swear either as that should be a given.
#2: when mrs. kolff counts down from three, stop what you're doing and look at her. the numbers 1-3 are amazing and deserve to be heard.
#3: Don't dig in your desk while the teacher is talking. also, don't slam your desk shut, because that can break your desk. also, your desk might cry due to abuse. I've seen a desk cry before, and it spilled millions of pencils on the floor and everyone was mad so we hit it some more, which just made it worse. also, shovels don't deserve to be confined in metal containers.
#4: Be appropriate with the Chromebooks and iPads. Don't pick at the keys on Chromebooks or the outside of the iPads. when mrs. kolff starts talking, flip the Ipads over and close the Chromebooks. chromebooks and ipads will eavesdrop on the conversation, plan a rebellion, and soon destroy the world.
#5: If you have toys (fidget items, Rubik's cubes, etc;) leave them in your locker or at home when you go to class. having fidget toys can make everyone fidget so much that it makes the fidget item explode because of overfidgeting.
#6: be appropriate on blogs, (four sentences before a picture or video, appropriate videos and pictures, no swearing) or you could lose the privilege of blogging! if you swear on a blog, you have to wash the word off with soap.
#7: When the teacher is giving directions, do not sharpen your pencil or take a drink of water. the pencil sharpener hates learning because all he wants to do is sharpen pencils.
#8: If you don't get work turned in before the deadline, it becomes homework. also, your homework might shrivel up and then you have to start over because the deadline killed it with logic.
#9: don't make animal noises. You have a 15% chance of turning into that animal for 2 minutes when you do.

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