The Monster In Me
Today in this Journey log I would like to express openness. I want to get something off my chest. An experience that Im not proud of, but I connected to Stephen Kings quote that was in the reading. "Monsters are real, and ghosts are too, they live inside all of us, and sometimes they win.". I consider myself an over all good person. I have always tried my best in school, heavily engaged myself in extra curricular activities and above all else cared about my actions. Ive been surrounded by friends all of my life that don't always make the best choices. However I love them all the same. Ive been considered a rock to many people and have always made my family very proud. Ive had very little fuck ups in my life I guess you can say, compared to the ones around me. Yet over winter break I made a mistake, a serious one that could have had very negative connotations.
I don't know if you have ever heard of the slang term fencing so ill explain. Fencing is when you sprint through a plastic fence on someones property in hopes of breaking it. It is very big among the Long Island youth now a days, and is overall a really messed up thing to do. Heres a picture of some aftermath.
Any time my friends would engage in such activities like this I would always get mad and tell them to stop. Those fences are not cheap and your taking up someones time and money by ruining them. And for what real reason other than quick demented enjoyment. Yet over Winter break on an inebriated walk back from the bars my friends and I passed the library parking lot. With fences lined up for yards and yards. This wasn't some random persons back yard, destroying them wouldn't be a middle finger to any one person. Mixed with this skewed reasoning and my dulled senses I engaged with my friends in obliterating those fences. It was fun in the moment but I regretted it the next day as I drove by to see the tax dollars of the people in my town broken into ugly white shards of what once were new fences.
In this experience the monster that Stephen King talked about was revealed through me. Wether it was the alcohol I consumed, pure pressure, poor decision making, or each of the three it won that day. I did something that I was very against and more importantly let my own moral code down. Something that I pride myself on. Perhaps even worse than all that was the fact that a couple of days after I didn't feel another ounce of remorse from what I did. Until of course that ended when a detective came to my house last week and explained the video tape situation to my parent. Lucky I was able to pay for the damage and not charged a felony. Yet I was able to learn from it and realize that all people have monsters and its important to keep them caged.
Basing Kings quote on an experience in my life was a really engaging twist. Yet I would like to bring in one of his own pieces that I read in high school to also compare to this monster theme. I though that the character of Jack Torrance in the "Shining" would be a perfect example. A character that wanted the best for his family yet who could not control his inner monster, which later would lead to his death and almost the death of his family. Here is a character analysis of Torrance, "His power as a protagonist lies in his deep desire, and great potential, to be a good person – a good father, a good husband, and a good writer. Yet, he's a tragic figure with very specific demons, namely his temper, his alcoholism, and the memory of his abusive, alcoholic father." (shampoo, Jack Torance). It almost seems as if King wrote this quote about the character of Jack Torrance. His inner monster killed a man that had the best intentions. At the end of the day as humans we need to ask ourselves, who we are and what we want to be? Then it is our responsibility to perform our own juggling act through life and create our identities.
Shmoop Editorial Team. "Jack Torrance in The Shining." Shmoop. Shmoop University, 11 Nov. 2008. Web. 07 Feb. 2017.
"Stephen King." Iz Quotes. N.p., n.d. Web. 07 Feb. 2017.