101 Tips for a Happier Marriage Session 3: Winning is for Losers (Tips 47-82)

Discussion Questions

1. Can you think of times when you’ve had a silly fight that wasn’t really about the matter at hand? Do you know better now to look for the root cause and work through the real problem? (Tip 47)

2. What are some ways you can de-stress before, during, and after a fight? (Tip 61)

3. What about getting touched? What’s your plan for who or what you can touch to help you feel better? Do you think you’d be able to touch your spouse during an argument, even in some small way, to ease tension? (Tip 71)

4. Is “Don’t go to bed angry” good or bad advice? Is it better to get the fight over with or to sleep on it and tackle it in the morning when you’re both rested? (Tip 78)

5. What are some things you can do when you need to distance yourself from your spouse? Have a plan of action now. What productive or helpful things can you do to relax and refocus with your spouse even in the midst of an argument? Some couples sing their words; others use British accents. (Tip 79)

6. Share with everyone one reason why you love your spouse, despite the occasional, or frequent, argument. (Tip 82)

Personal Reflections:

1. Am I the type of person who always has to win? (Tip 49) Why is that? Is it for my self-esteem? (Tip 51) Am I able to let it go?

2. Have I ever succumbed to name calling or absolute statements? (Be honest. It’s a natural reaction during a fight. Recognizing it will help you overcome the temptation. Tell yourself now that you won’t do it.) (Tips 55-56)

3. Ask yourself these questions from Tip 59:

-Do I want him or her to change so that I can be more comfortable?

-Is this change really in his or her interest?

-Is this change even important?

Make any needed attitude adjustments for your own part, or have any necessary discussions with your spouse accordingly.

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