A Memorial to the Deceased Dedicated to the poor fiction souls who lost their lives in The Book Thief

A BRIEF CONVERSATION WITH MY VIEWERS

Hi guys! So... assuming that you've followed the instructions on my background image, this tag you're looking at is the last one you'll be viewing with me today. Again, to those of you who HAVEN'T read the Book Thief, I advise you to back out of the lovely blue pages of this presentation and save it for next time. If you're the type of person who likes spoilers, by all means... invite yourselves in.

~ Intro ~

For this tag, I decided to give a virtual funeral for the people who's souls got whisked away by Death in The Book Thief. Some of you may be thinking, What!??? Is she serious? But... but that's so random! Like, why in the world would someone want to do that? (Oh, and I know some of you are thinking that. Don't try to deny it. You know who you are.)

Now, where was I? Oh right, I was at the part where you people rudely interrupted me. Ahem.

Well, my disrespectful friend, I'm serious. Very serious. Just... think about it. Just for a few seconds. Now, in case some of you are suffering from short-term memory loss, I'll give you a quick recap of the story.

In The Book Thief, a kid named Liesel gets sent to a village near the outskirts of Munich. She's just lost her brother and her mom. She gets taken in by a nice man named Hans Hubermann and his wife Rosa, who has a bad habit of swearing every couple of seconds. She eventually adjusts to life in the village, learns to read, steals a little, gets a best friend, and grows up a bit. Basically, she has a life. But suddenly, the enemy decides to drop a bomb on Munich, and LITERALLY EVERYBODY DIES. All except for Liesel, who's alive only because of the story she was writing. The last thing we see of her before Death gets all philosophical is of her howling in the dust. She somehow gets herself landed in Australia, and dies in ripe old age.

...Yay?

Nay. Like REALLY nay. Don't you think that this is all so unfair for them? They were all just existing, and then they dropped dead. In their sleep. And as far as we know, none of them even got a funeral. Like, what? This is not okay.

So I basically decided to finish the work Markus Zusak started, by giving our beloved characters an official send-off. Personally, I can't believe that no one else thought of doing this. Don't these people deserve some respect, after all they've been through?

So look somber. Put on some black (in your head, I guess). Bring some flowers (again, in your head). Cry your eyes out in front of their graves. And above all, curse Mr. Zusak for making his book so sad.

Now, let us begin.

Many, many people lost their lives in The Book Thief. So many, you can't even count them. So I will be covering and thanking 10 of the ones that sent out the most impact.

Now, let's pick our way through the Cemetery of Deceased Characters In Human Literature. Oh— be careful there. Never touch the grave of Lord Voldemort. His soul might come out and slit your— oh wait. I forgot. He doesn't have one. 😜

Sorry. Got distracted. On to the first grave.

GRAVE NUMBER 1: WEBER MEMINGER

In the novel, readers never really get to know Weber very well. Pretty much all we know about him is that he was the younger brother of Liesel Meminger, our hero and main character. He was supposed to accompany Liesel to the foster home and be raised there with her, but he got diagnosed with a freak disease of coughing— and died. I know, 25 pages into the book— and someone already died. Go figure.

Anyway, Weber appears in almost every single one of Liesel's nightmares, after which Liesel wakes up screaming. So he must have been very special to her. If it weren't for the nightmares she recieved, Liesel would never have learned how to read. Personally, I pity the child— he never got much of a chance at life.

But then again, he was lucky in a way too. He never got to face the heartbreak and grief our 'good friend' Hitler caused. Weber would be six years old forever. Rest In Peace, kiddo.

GRAVE NUMBER 2: TOMMY MULLËR

Ahh. Tommy. He wasn't much of a major character, but still. He deserves to be remembered, and not for the chronic ear disease he got when he was just a kid. At first, his incessant twitching and wimpy demeanor might have dampened one's opinion and goodwill about him, but you have to feel bad for the guy. It wasn't his fault that his hearing was twisted. It wasn't his fault that he lived in Nazi Germany. Also, he was a good friend to someone who I will not mention at this moment.

Even if he wasn't killed by the bomb that claimed his life, Hitler would have killed him first. So consider yourself lucky, Tommy. Sleep well.

If you're done paying your respects to this twitchy, loyal child, let's move on to this guy. You might remember him. (I said might, not will.)

GRAVE NUMBER 3: JOHANN HERMANN

Johann never really shows himself to us in The Book Thief. Son of Mayor Heinz Hermann and his wife, Ilsa, he died at a young age in 1918, nearly 20 years before the story begins. Although Death decided to be really confusing about how he died, sources have led me to believe that he 'froze to death,' presumably while fighting in the First World War.

Johann becomes known to most of us as a memory long gone. Death was to quick to claim you, Johann.

Yeah, I know. That made you feel so good. Not. People, I know this is sad. But this is the real world. Live with it. Now, let's keep moving.

GRAVE NUMBER 4: REINHOLD ZUCKER

This dude pokes his head into our story around the time we're covering it's last couple of parts. A ignominious (too bad I'm not telling you what that means. Look it up.) gambler and a member of the Air Raid Special Unit, we meet him at the battlefield. I'm not going to go into his life story, because I think we all know he had a sad life. And I don't mean the sad as in the 'tears dribbling down the face' sad. I mean the other one.

To be honest, I don't like him very much. (I mean, who does?)

You might think that I'm being a bit harsh on him, but those of you who read the book would know that he's really unlikable. Seriously, his death is the least sad thing about him. I don't think anyone would want to die because of a broken neck, for heaven's sake. And I know that no one wants to die with their mouth open. I'm just saying.

Well. Have fun underground, Zucker. Hope you'll be a better person in the next life. (If there actually is one, anyway...)

GRAVE NUMBER 5: HANS JR.

Well, well, well. If it isn't Hans— Jr. How very nice to see you again. I TOTALLY missed you. Not~ 😄

Much to the sadness of many Book Thief fans, Hans Jr. didn't inherit any of his father's awesomeness. Instead, he wasted no time in turning into a complete slimeball. A brainwashed one, on top of that. Brainwashed by the Führer. (Also known as the greatest tyrant who ever lived.)

Hans Jr. frequently clashed with his father, the better Hans. In The Book Thief, the feuds eventually got so bad that Hans Jr. cut off the remaining ties with his family and left for the battlefields of Russia, never to return.

The book never really shows us if Hans Jr. really died or not. However, I like to think that he is. Why? Because he's the absolute definition of a jerk. Duh.

Feel free to spit on his grave as you walk by~! No words of consolation for you, Hans Jr. (Let's take a page out of my sister's book. DIE, HANS JR!!!)

Oh, and in case you're wondering, my sister likes shouting death threats left and right. Notice I said sister, not clone or twin. (Chloe can tell you from personal experience. ^^)

GRAVE NUMBER 6: ERIK VANDENBURG

Wow. This man triggers a lot of sympathy. A proud father to an amazing son. An incredible friend. Ever heard of the phrase, 'a lamb to the slaughter'? Erik Vandenburg would be the lamb.

He sacrificed his life for his friend without even knowing it. He died fighting for a country that was behind chains.

Erik, you never deserved to die. You were always meant to live.

Okay... now I'm feeling sad. This should be a try not to cry challenge. Just kidding. It's not that sad. (Actually, I'm trying my best to make it the least sad it can possibly get.)

GRAVE NUMBER 7: ROSA (HUBERMANN)

Ahhhhhhhh. Rosa. Also known as the mother of human expletives. Everyone's first impression of this lady probably has several strings of alarm woven in. I mean, it's not every day you bump into (or read about) someone who swears faster than a rat at a dinner table. Let's just say I learned a lot of German swear words while reading The Book Thief.

But despite her naughty mouth (😉), Rosa proved herself to be a big-hearted, warm individual. Rosa teaches us once again that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

You were an amazing person, Rosa. Just to let you know.

Let us close our eyes and imagine Rosa giving us a good watschen for stating the obvious. Sleep well, saukerl.

GRAVE NUMBER 8: HANS HUBERMANN

Hans Hubermann... A man of kindness, morale, and silver eyes. Of all the characters in The Book Thief, he would be the favorite of many.

He didn't agree with Hitler and his insane beliefs, which made him even more likable. He pitied and cared for the people who were hated and spat on. He even hid one of those people in his basement (Max Vandenburg).

I won't say all of the really awesome things about Hans Hubermann. If I had, we'd be here all day. So I'll leave that to you.

But I know we'll all agree on one thing. Hans, you are a saint. The world doesn't deserve people like you.

Goodbye, Hans. You shouldn't have died. You really, really shouldn't have. We'll miss you.... 😭😭😭

GRAVE NUMBER 9: LIESEL MEMINGER

Okay, guys. We're almost there.

Liesel. Liesel, Liesel, Liesel. I have six words for you.

You. Had. A. Really. Hard. Life. Your story made all of our hearts ache, gave us runny noses, and made some of us go hysterical inwardly. (A.k.a. Me.) Those of you who don't know anything about the book thief's life, read her book. I don't want to sit here telling you her life story, cause it will a) take SO long, and b) it's too sad.

Like I said about 300 pages back, LITERALLY EVERYBODY DIES.

Liesel... I'm so sorry you lost them all... You should've been born in 21st century Germany, not the 20th.

But fortune favors the bold. And you, Liesel, were bold.

AND FINALLY....

Okay. Sorry to cut in just when you were on the last dead person of the day. But I just wanted to thank those of you who actually had the patience to read this whole entire tag. I know, it's really long. I'm sorry that I tortured some of you with the length. You just have a few more lines. You can do it!

GRAVE NUMBER 10:

RUDY STEINER!!!!

Rudy's death really made me want to cry. Why, you ask?

Well, he was my favorite character. And was hilarious. And just amazing in every way. Basically, of all the deaths of the people in The Book Thief, Rudy's death made me want to walk over to Australia, find Markus Zusak, and LITERALLY SCREAM AT HIM FOR KILLING RUDY. Like, WHY?

Sorry. Overreacted. What I wanted to say was that Rudy and Liesel should have become a thing. They. Belong. Together. But of course, the Allies had to go and drop the bomb in Molching. Of course Rudy had to die. I think Markus Zusak thought that he was going too easy on us. So he thought, Oh, I know! I could kill off literally everybody Liesel's close to! That would be awesome! But still, because I'm nice I'll let Max live. And Mr. Steiner. Heartbreak + Grief = Yay for me! (I know I exaggerated here. But it's just. So. Unfair!)

Rudy. You really should have got that kiss. (As for you, Liesel, why didn't you kiss him when you had the chance? Whyyy...)

All of you deserved a better life. All of you. Yes, even you, Hans Jr. None of you deserved it. None of you at all.

R. I. P. to all.

.... and you, my ever-so patient classmate, are done! Suffering = over! In Korean, that would be: 고생 끝, 행복 시작! (And no, Will Joseph, that IS NOT INSULTING IN ANY WAY. You want proof, ask Chloe. Or Grace, for that matter.)

Credits:

Created with images by Fitze - "half moon sky blue" • Gabriel F, SE - "Blue" • rkarkowski - "moon the fullness of sky" • jamiesolorio - "Peace." • KishoreK Photography - "Window view" • Fried Dough - "cigarette" • Pexels - "military war vintage" • bethany.Hatch - "Accordian to Me..." • GiselaFotografie - "war grave death" • steve p2008 - "untitled image" • DariuszSankowski - "knowledge book library" • sybarite48 - "Thésée-la-Romaine (Loir-et-Cher)"

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