Conflict Management NOTES

The Ten Commandments for Change

  • Expect the best.
  • Listen before talking; think before acting
  • Get to the point.
  • Change what they do, not who they are.
  • Model the behavior you desire.
  • Adapt your approach to the person.
  • Provide for dignity and self respect.
  • Appeal to self-interest
  • Rejoice at success
  • Cut your losses with remorse, not guilt.

Eight Ways to Deal with Problems

  • Assess the situation
  • Meet the difficult behavior head-on
  • Stay calm and objective
  • Be up-front
  • Make it a two-way conversation
  • Put yourself in their place
  • Be flexible
  • Be tolerant

Using the Agreement Frame

“The Agreement Frame” is made up of three phrases you can use in any communication to respect the person you are disagreeing with, maintain rapport, share with him/her what you feel is true, and yet never resist his/her opinion in any way. Here are the three phrases:

  • I appreciate and…
  • I respect and…
  • I agree and…

Watch Out - Dangerous misconceptions that cause conflict.

  • People always pay attention when you are speaking to them.
  • When people say they are paying attention, they really are.
  • When someone says "I know" s/he really does.
  • Saying something over and over will ensure that your listener understands.
  • Saying something over and over, slowly or loudly, will be even more effective.


Created with images by Pavel Klimenko - "evening scene in mountains"

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