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MVP Scenario Down over Male POV

Agree/Disagree/Unsure

It is sometimes okay for a person to make decisions for the person they are dating on who they hang out with, what they do with their social/personal time, and where they go.

  • Why might a man tell his girlfriend she cannot do something?
  • Are controlling behaviors part of healthy relationships? Why or why not?
  • How could this behavior affect their relationship? The woman’s relationship with her friends?
  • How do abusive relationships start? What types of behavior do we see first?
  • If you observe this behavior in one of our teammates, how could you address it?
  • If you don’t do anything, what message do you send?

Do you think it's okay to hang out with certain groups of people if the person you are dating feels threatened by that specific group of friends?

Your friend constantly sends his girlfriend text messages, asking her where she is, who she's with, what she's doing. This isn't just friendly chat; you get the feeling that he's obsessed and jealous, and always needs to know her every move.

Why does he need to know what his girlfriend is doing all the time? Is he trying to control his girlfriend? This can't be healthy. Can’t he see what he is doing and how this is wrong ? Maybe he thinks this is what it means to love someone?! I don’t know if this is any of my business. I wouldn’t want anyone involved in my relationships so maybe I should stay out of it. Every time he sends a message, I get madder that my friend is becoming more paranoid and controlling. If I say something to my friend, I risk him getting mad at me. What should I do?

Why might someone send texts asking where a person is, who they are with, and what they are doing?

Why might someone believe it's acceptable to treat someone like this? To expect to be in touch 24/7 and know their every move.

How does your friend probably feel when they send these messages all day/night long?

Would some people not have a problem with this behavior in a dating relationship? Why?

Do you think what is happening could be a form of abuse or harassment? In what way?

What sort of things might someone in a relationship try to control? (Who they talk to, where they go....what else?)

If this behavior goes unchecked, what could happen next?

What should I do about my friend?

Is this situation realistic? Could this happen within our school or surrounding community?

What’s problematic about this situation? What concerns or “red flags” do you notice in this scenario?

Have you ever witnessed or observed a similar situation? If you are willing, please share your experience(s).

What responsibility might you have in this situation to the person(s) being targeted? To the person causing the potential harm or abuse? To your school? To yourself?

Have you ever observed someone intervene or get involved in a similar situation before? If so, what did they do? What was the outcome?

Why might an observer in this situation choose to be silent or not get involved? What’s the potential IMPACT to those involved here if no one intervenes or disrupts this situation?

Give examples of how a friend or classmate might respond “directly” in this situation? How might someone respond utilizing a “distraction” in this situation?

If you didn’t intervene or respond immediately in this situation, what might you consider saying or doing later?

To whom could you go to for help? What additional resources might be needed?

Which of the examples shared thus far would you most likely use in a situation like this? Why?

LET'S TALK IT OUT ~ HOW CAN WE ENGAGE?

• Direct – Respond directly with words or deed to the aggressor or victim --- or both.

• Protocol – Report, inform or advise to person in charge, authority figure, supervisor, etc.

• Indirect/Distraction – “Shift the focus,” use humor, tell a story, current events, weekend plans, etc.

• After the Fact/Next Day – Return later when things calm down. Check in. Let the person know you care about them.

• With an Ally or Friend – Recognize another peer’s disapproval of the situation, act together.

Do nothing. It's none of your business.

Tell my friend that I'm concerned about his jealousy, and he needs to chill out a bit and give his girlfriend some space.

Talk to some of our friends, let them know what I've observed, and ask them if they have concerns about the relationship.

Talk to my parent, or a teacher or coach that I trust, and ask them for advice about what to do.

Tell my friend that he should consider seeing a counselor or another professional because his behavior seems unhealthy and could get him in trouble.

Personal option...?

For more resources, check out...

#MaybeHeDoesntHitYou on Twitter

https://www.breakthecycle.org/blog/know-signs-spotlight-nonstop-and-excessive-texting

https://www.loveisrespect.org/content/show-your-respect-texting-relationship/

Not all abusive behavior is physical. Controlling behavior is wrong in and of itself. It can also lead to physical abuse. Abusive behavior needs to be addressed at the earliest possible stages in a relationship.

Credits:

Created with images by Jonas Lee - "untitled image" • Jesús Rodríguez - "Not a known Avenue" • TeroVesalainen - "question mark why problem" • Steven Kim - "Hoops"

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