My pregnancy diary Bonnie Stephenson

My First Trimester

Dear Diary,

I took the test today, it came back positive. It's been 3 weeks since I had unprotected sex and I'm terrified. It was an accident and I wasn't ready. My body is aching, my breasts are killing and I'm so emotional. One moment I'm happy then the next I'm so upset and angry. I'm super hungry but it makes me sick eating. I'm sad, it feels like I'm all alone, there's nobody to support me. I'm thinking of abortion, I'm too young I can't raise a child on my own... I'm only 14 years old. I woke up this morning and I couldn't stop vomiting, will this ever end. It feels like it gets worse everyday, right now I'd prefer not to wake up. Oh and the worst part is always having to go to the toilet, I'm terribly constipated and I'm always having to urinate... is this worth it. I'm exhausted, I've been skipping school a lot lately because I'm not getting enough sleep. Well I'm sleeping all the time but it doesn't seem long enough. I'm eating way too much, I feel bloated. The craves randomly pop up out of nowhere and I get really hangry. But my cravings are so different to what I'd usually eat. I never liked seafood now all of a sudden all I want to do is eat it, eww but yum. I get dizzy almost all the time and so unexpectedly. I could be walking around at any time of the day then I'd get head spins and headaches. But I mean I guess it's all worth it maybe... I'm creating life in my stomach, my own child. I guess that's really exciting but also overwhelming. I hope the baby's healthy. Im scared... I've done some research and my baby and around 9 weeks the baby's fingers are more distinct, my baby's arms bend at the elbows and their legs now have ankles. Their earlobes are now defined, and the hair follicles are starting to form. Their first small tastebuds are starting to emerge on their tongue and gums will soon become milk teeth. They're so small... roughly the size of a grape.

My Second Trimester

Dear Diary,

I'm around 16 weeks now, and obviously I've told my parents by now because it's kind of hard to hide. They were very supportive but I could tell they were disappointed in me. It was difficult telling them who the father was because they hardly knew him. My siblings are looking at me like I've let everyone down, it makes me upset. Nobody even talks to me anymore. It was hard to tell my boyfriend I was pregnant, but I finally did. I wish I didn't though because he broke my heart and left. It's been really difficult, doing this on my own has been hard but I guess it's my fault. My baby is healthy though so I'm happy. School has been horrible, I lost a lot of friends.. but at least I realised who my true friends are. I'm trying to get an education, I'll go to school for my baby.. he/she needs me and I won't give up. I'm quickening now, I can feel my baby's movements and it's painful but amazing. I don't get morning sickness anymore and my emotions aren't as dramatic as they were, for once I. can hold back my tears throughout a sad commercial, but I'm still highly anxious. I'm incredibly tired and out of breath. I could be walking to the bathroom and be out of breath like I've just ran a marathon. But it's normal, my uterus is growing and it's crowding my lungs. My step mum has been taking me out for pedicures lately just to make me feel better. My teachers have been very supportive and they're already asking me what I'm going to name it if I have a boy or girl. But argh I'm not even sure yet. My baby is around the size of an avocado, their head is my erect and the scalp pattern is starting to develop, my baby's heart is pumping about 25 quarts of blood a day and is even growing toenails. In the next few weeks the baby is going to grow double his length.

Dear Diary, it's around 22 weeks and I've gained so much weight. The clothes I have to wear are so ugly and the worst part is I have to wear them to school! I've got stretch marks on my stomach, hips and back. It looks so gross. But the great part is, my ex boyfriend said he regrets ever leaving me and he wants to try to make this work for the baby's sake. School's been okay and I still have supportive friends who've helped me design my baby's room. Everything's falling into place, I'm so happy. I now know what gender they are, I'm having a boy! I'm so excited but I'm not sure what to name him yet. By now his skin would look wrinkled until he gains enough weight to fill it out. His eyes are developed but the inses still lack pigment. He is at 11 inches and almost 1 pound. His lips, eyelids and eyebrows are becoming more distinct.

My Third Trimester

Dear Diary,

I am 35 weeks, I'm so close now. I feel really large and awkward this week. I haven't slept and I'm always having to get up for the toilet. It takes effort because I have shortness of breath and my ankles are swollen. But hopefully lightening happens soon. I've tried to stay as healthy and active as possible, I've been drinking a lot of water and eating good foods. Also going for a walk everyday. My parents have helped me set out my baby's room and my friends have organised a baby shower for me. My parents aren't too happy about the father of the child. They said they didn't want him apart of our lives because he'd be too much trouble, but I don't want my child growing up without his dad. I'm just hoping he changes for our baby. I'm just stressed about school, I've got a lot of work to do and I'm not getting anything done. I've had to skip school a lot because of the baby, I'm just scared about how I'm going to take care of my baby and keep up with my education. I just hope I can give him the life he wants. I never wanted to have a baby this early but I'm proud of myself for how far I've come. I've bought a lot of new clothes for him, he's going to look adorable I can't wait. He is now the size of a honeydew melon, his kidneys are fully developed and his liver can process some waste products. Now he'll just spend the next few weeks putting weight on. Most of all, I've thought of a name for him, his name will be... you know what I'll keep it a surprise haha.

Labour

Dear Diary,

My water broke yesterday, I'm in hospital now. I'm getting Braxton hicks a lot which is the tightening of your womb. I feel crowded, my boyfriend is next to me and the doctor is overwhelming me with questions. I feel like screaming. My head is aching and my back is killing me. My uterus feels like there's knives stabbing into it. Agh why did I ever agree to go through this! They tell me it's good to drink a lot of fluids and move around if I can. But every time I try to stand up I collapse.

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Created with images by Gulcinglr - "women female sun" • Andriele - "pregnant pregnancy pregnant woman" • esperanxa - "barriga panza pregnancy"

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