There is a phrase that haunts me constantly throughout my day. "You are not enough."
Sometimes it hits me in the middle of class when I don't understand whats going on.
Or when I make a mistake at work. Or when I look in the mirror and wish my eyes were bigger, my cheekbones higher, my nose slimmer, and my eyebrows fuller.
Or the times I spend before and after my shower analyzing the parts of my body I wish were slimmer. Pinching my belly with tears in my eyes.
Or the moments I feel ignored. The moments I came in second. The times I spent comparing myself to her on facebook and instagram. Wishing I had her hair, her body, her life...
The moments where I ate too much, or sulked too much and spent the rest of the day hating myself for it.
There's constantly a whisper in my head saying "You failed. You are failing. You will fail."
This voice sometimes creeps in on my drive home, or when I am laying in bed. Sometimes in a group of people. But this voice, is always there and ready to attack.
I used to think this voice was my voice. I thought I was feeding this to my mind. But it took my drive home the other night to realize that this voice does not belong to me.
I realized these thoughts were not my own when I found myself fighting against it. There was a battlefield in my brain between this voice and i.I was trying to prove my worthiness and this voice kept trying to come back stronger.
I realized, that this was the first time I truly felt the enemy try to attack me. The enemy was feeling neglected, for my spirituality had increased greatly. The enemy was so desperately trying to regain my attention that it was yelling at me from all angles.
"You'll never graduate."
"You'll never be a good mom one day."
"Are you sure you can handle being a teacher?"
"You aren't loved. What makes you think you are?"
The enemy was trying so hard to reel me back in, it was spitting lies.
In that moment, through heavy breaths and wet cheeks, I regained my life back. I regained my thoughts. My spirituality.
I called out to the Lord and He answered me. Suddenly a rush of Bible verses flooded my mind.
Cast all your anxiety on him; because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes. Matthew 6:34
I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14
You guys, in the midst of the war between my thoughts, I witnessed the Lord sweep in and protect me from the enemy's attack.
He reminded me how I was not only enough, but far beyond it to the point that Jesus died on the cross for me. He reminded me that he made me in His image and that I am made beautifully in his eyes. He reminded me that there is no use in worrying about tomorrow because it will bring its own challenges, but that I should give it to God and let it go.
God thinks that each and everyone of His children is beautiful and worthy. Never forget the sacrifice that Jesus made for you. He loved you so much, thought you were so worthy of his grace, and forgave all of your sins for you that He, a human like you and I, allowed himself to be nailed to the cross by His hands and feet, bloody and tired. He died for you and if that doesn't speak wonders for how amazing and perfect you are to Him, then I don't know what does.
Do not allow the enemy to knock you down. Do not allow the enemy to sneak inside your head and tempt you.
So next time that voice tries to creep into your head and tell you that you aren't enough... KILL IT AND SILENCE THE HELL OUT OF IT.
BECAUSE YOU ARE WORTHY
YOU ARE ENOUGH
AND YOU ARE LOVED.