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The All-New Steven Peeler Newsletter Hurry now before it sells out!

The Steven Peeler Newsletter to return in 2019.

PORTLAND-OR: The Newsletters collectively announced this morning that The Steven Peeler Newsletter would be picked up for a second season starting in 2019. The announcement was made at The Steven Peeler Pop-up in Times Square. The Pop-up included an interactive portion where participants could come up to Steven Peeler and shake his hand. People could also get their favorite edition of The Steven Peeler Newsletter painted on their face. Lastly, there was a portion of the Pop-up where participants could read a newspaper with Steven for $20.

Everyone who attended the Pop-up also received two free tickets to Cats.

The CEO of Newsletters, Robert Importance, said, "he's the only one doing a newsletter." The VP of Newsletters, Sarah Well-Read, said, "I've read it." And Michelle Download, Executive Producer of The Steven Peeler Newsletter, said, "hey, I'm actually busy at the moment."

See, she was busy.

The first season of The Steven Peeler Newsletter went straight to DVD, but was a surprise hit with viewers.

A copy of The Steven Peeler Newsletter DVD

There will be an extensive marketing campaign for season two. For example, you’ll be able to visit Steven Peeler at the mall. He will also work a shift at Levi's, take the train from Portland to Chicago, and throw out the first pitch at the United Nations.

The projected numbers for The Steven Peeler Newsletter in 2019

"I, Steven Peeler, am the one that writes these newsletters. The notion that someone else would write these for me, is utterly absurd. These rumors have greatly hurt my family, and I ask for your privacy during this time. I'm truly appalled," Steven said of the announcement. He was later told that this piece was not about that rumor, and that no one was aware that the rumor even existed. He later said, "it is with great sadness, that I announce today that The Steven Peeler Newsletter has been acquired by renowned oil tycoon Shane Johnson. From this day on, he will be the one writing the newsletter. His evil laugh was too much for me to handle, and I sold 51% of the company to him. When the deal was finalized, he got up from his chair, threw me a few bags full of gold, and said, "my money is never on sale!" He then finished his glass of wine, threw his watch out the window, took a bite of a snickers bar, and said, "you're not you when your hungry," and then galloped away. I was appalled."

We're just as confused as you are...

Steven was again told that his statement was wildly inaccurate. In his final statement of the day, he said, "back in my day, writers would wear tailored suits to work. Now, you can just hop on your computer and write whatever nonsense you feel like. I'm appalled."

"This guy knows how to write."-Steven Peeler

It was later revealed by an inside-source close to Steven that "appalled" was his word of the day.

The Steven Peeler newsletter returns next week with a few surprise guests. Our sources are telling us that the guests include: Joe Biden, and Playboi Carti. It is expected that Playboi Carti and Joe Biden will play each other in checkers.

Credits:

Created with images by Max Langelott - "Kraftklub live in Freiburg" • Joe Yates - "City in Motion" • rawpixel - "untitled image" • TBIT - "dvd cover dvd dvd packaging" • rawpixel - "untitled image" • RobinHiggins - "confused hands up" • Heng Films - "Business Professional"

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