The day i was born my parents had a lot of emotions. They were afraid, worried, hopeful, excited, thankful, happy, and proud.
You might think, How would they be scared I mean it's one of the greatest days of their life? Well I was sick, my mom had just been discharged from the hospital that day before having to rush back. I was coming. I was so sick they decided to deliver me. When i was finally born at 10:57 pm on July 27th 2003 (an hour and 3 minutes before my grandmother's birthday) I was small.
My due date was not for another 6 weeks. I was in the NICU and I was still alive, and so was my mom. My whole family was still scared. They were scared for my health, that they weren't prepared, that they would be bad parents. What they did not know is family and friends were swarming to their sides for comfort, and they would be ok.
In english my first name means Life, it's latin, and for some weird reason it’s related to birds. My middle name means simple elegance of movement, and its the free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the giving of blessings. My last name comes from england, from blacksmiths, and a small town. But the meaning of my name is small compared to the reason, and how it came to be.
Ever Since my mom was pregnant with me she knew I would be a girl. But don't get me wrong, my mom's pregnancy was no smooth ride. The first tests showed I would be sick, the Doctors said i could be so sick that i wouldn’t be normal. They ordered, tests, and more tests to see if their predictions were true.
Everyone my parents knew prayed for me.
God's grace saved me.
With the second round of tests, one more thing showed, that hadn’t showed before. My mom was right. I was a girl. My parents called everyone who had prayed for me to be ok, to tell the results, and that I would be ok, and to tell them I would be a girl.
Since my parents now knew I was a girl, the question of my name came up. My mom always knew that she wanted a part of my name to be Grace, whether it be my first or middle Because god's grace is the most precious thing in the world. But she also loved her grandmother, she adored her and wanted me to be like the type of person she was. Her name was Ava Sue.
Going back to the day that my parents found out I would be ok, my mom called her aunt. She gave her the same spiel that she had given many times before, but then she told her about my name. “You know I just can't decide between Grace and Ava for her name.” Her aunt replied with. “There is no more beautiful word in the english language than Grace, because of god's grace for us. But I will tell you one other thing, I know no stronger woman than your grandmother, and this little girl has already showed us how strong she is, and how strong she is going to be.” With those words my mom chose my name, would be Ava Grace.
The battle for my name wasn't over just yet. My mom wanted me to be called Grace, but my dad thought that would be to confusing, and if my mom wanted to call me by Grace then my name should be Grace. My mom would not back down on my name.
Jump ahead a couple months to the day I was born. My mom was very sick, so was I. I had just been born 6 weeks early. At this point my dad saw his chance to triumph my mom. As he was by my side he told all the nurses who were taking care of me, my name was Ava. They made all these signs for me, as if they were showing the world who I was meant to be. At that point my mom had no choice but to go along with it.
I know many people who don't like their name, they say it doesn't fit them, and it's not who they are. Somehow whenever this question turns to me, I always say two things, first I love my name and second I would not change it for the world. But I never say why. I love my name because it's part family, my great grandmother was this amazing woman, who I am reminded each day of how similar we are, and how my mom wishes I could have met her. I love the other part of my name because it shows that I am a child of god, and that my name shows his love for us.
Because of this I am my name, and my name is me, I wouldn’t be me without my name, or a different name. I thank my great aunt, my dad getting his way, and my mom's instincts because without them I would not be the person I am today.
I've moved twice. I guess you could say I asked for the first move. I don't know if we would have moved any ways, but one day i went up to my parents and told them I wanted to move closer to My grandparents and my cousins.
The way this move came with ease and certainty I always wondered if my dad got transferred and my parents were in the midst of wondering what to do, then my action made it certain.
The move felt right, as if we were jumping into water for the first time, it was easy.
The time we had in houston was amazing and a lot of fun. But one day it all came to an end. I remember it like it was yesterday, my parents had gotten us donuts, ( my favorite breakfast) before they told me we had to move. It felt like i had cried a river, I didn't want to move, not away from the rest of my family.
First we moved into an apartment, I hated it. Any chance i got i was at a family member's house. My parents call it my summer abroad. Finally after 3 months of apartment life we got to move into our current, house and i started the best chapter of my life.
When babies are born prematurely, sometimes it affects their brain. My Parents feared that's what had happened with me. My parents said when i was about 18 months old i would line all of my toys up in a line, by size, color, or just what they were. My mom at the time a teacher, knew this could sometimes lead to brain defects. She cried and cried afraid i wouldn’t be smart. She was wrong.
My brain grew like a tree, its roots spreading all around, growing tall. I absorbed everything like a sponge, i couldn't stop learning.
When i got to Kindergarten my parents were hesitant about how i would do, and how i would compare to the other students.
I ended up with one of the highest reading levels in my class, and loved to write, most kids just wrote about a page, i would sit there and write three. This caught my teacher's attention, i was pulled for GT and thrived in it, it was the place i loved to be.
I was always the overachiever, and the perfectionist, but what had changed to now is I’ve learned sometimes things won't be perfect, and the extra effort i put into things is what makes me, me, and is what makes me stand apart from the crowd.
Hidden inside of me is what most don’t see. How sometimes i feel like I'm hidden behind a filter. They don't see how i stress making sure i did a good job on whatever it was.
They don't see how some nights i don’t sleep worried about what's about to happen.
They don't see how I seek approval, and have to trust myself i did a good job.
They don’t see how I am sometimes left out of simple conversations.
They don't see how i am bombarded with questions, for answers.
They don't see how sometimes I’m the one who has to get my brother ready for school.
They don't see how we are separated from the rest of my family.
They don't see my insecurities, or maybe they do, but they don't know how they affect me.
They don’t see how far I’ve come.
They don’t see my anxiety,
All they see, is a shoulder to look over fo answers.
Someone who seems to have it all.
Someone who cares too much about school.
Someone who acts like a grade is the end of the world.
Someone who is a goody goody.
Someone who gets good grades.
Someone who is always happy.
Some see my sense of humor, my style, how hard i work, my goals.
But unless you really know me,
They don’t see the real me.
My personal vignettes, have shaped my identity, by letting me write about feelings I didn't even know i personally had. I think that they are a way for me to see the person I am, and the person I have become. I also think these vignette will also help others know more about me, and about who I am.
The issues in the book shows different points most students fell at some point in their life, now some of the experiences Esperanza experienced most wotn experience. In class we were able to take her experiences and take them to the next level diving deeper into what they mean and how they affected her life. I think discussing these issues has kind of given me experience fro my own life, in a way that it won't always go as planned, and the experiences you experience won't always be the best, but they change who you become.
I don’t think at this point I have experienced a “True “ coming of age. I feel like I’ve hit a lot of major milestones in my life, that have helped me grow up and find myself, but i think my true coming of age will come when I enter high school, or even get my drivers license. But then again i also think it can be hard to see your coming of age until you look back and see that event and how you were before it, and after it, when you see that you have changed, it’s the moment you know you had your “Coming of age”.
I personally enjoyed the book, because it almost gave me a sense of the way life can treat you. I have to say though, at some parts throughout the book, it was hard to follow along with what was actually happening at that point in the story. I do not have a problem with her style of writing, but during the saddest chapters it was hard to figure out what was actually happening, because of all the figurative language used.