The road to 40 Louise memouirs

This year is not really going according to plan but plans are their to be re written 8th Jan 2017 and I have ended up in hospital with an abscess where my coccyx removal took place on the 21st Dec 2016

I'll start here Jan 9th :0)

Just like my Army days !! I have been issued a bullet by the nurse


Lock and load hope for the explode 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈

Did that get your attention ?

Waiting is a term I am using today as that's all I am doing at the minute

Today I waited a grand total of 82 times

It started at 6 am I need a start point! Not because it started then it just seems like a reasonable time to start, a normal time even though I could start earlier let's start at 6

6am I rang my call bell .I only wanted to shift from my left side to my right, I had waited a whole 4 hours to press that buzzer any sooner and I would feel demanding. 4 hours to me feels reasonable.

Waited 5 minutes for lovely healthcare assistant to arrive and helped me move. This is the moment of dread

It hurts,hurts so bad I bite down on my teeth to stop the F bomb screaming out ( ha I'm physio when I'm in pain ) f bomb staying in f bomb staying in fucking hell no f bomb flys out took a whole 10 seconds but I held it and then I was moved onto my other hip

Throb throb throb not the pleasure throb most adults associate with this word the Hell throb the pounding of pain that is radiating in my wound the one that you want to reach in and grab with your own hands and rip out!

Morphine please ( I ask this in the wimpiest voice I have heard, I don't even recognise this voice, a mix between Britney Spears and a 5 year old child)

So I wait a whole 45mins enduring the throb throb throb remember not the nice throb and the morphine is administered this in my opinion tastes vile so i follow it up with a lucozade chaser

I wait 15 minutes later I feel the pain moving to the distance not gone but at a bareable level I'm able to breath deeper

This is when I notice the hussle and bustle from beyond my own room, I'm lucky I always seem to get my own room. Their maybe a reason for that

Do I look like trouble or like a little lamb?

Then I hear her "Mary" I don't know if you recall the last long stint in hospital i had at Doncaster

Little old Mary size of a peanut looks like an angel but the voice and grammar of the devil the soul of Zelda from the terrorhawlks

Who i might terrorfied me when I was small

"You all hate me" she starts "help me" shouting at the top of her voice in a growl like she is possessed.

Now in doncaster I initially felt really sorry for her, she has dementia I told myself poor Mary but after watching her patten of behavior repeat everyday I learned she was just plain nasty.

Nice to the white nurses vile to the blacks and the gay man but lovely to them when her family visited then pure evil to them and for all the night staff. And here she was back to haunt my nights again

Kind of like winning the lottery twice and losing the ticket!

Now I'm waiting for Mary to begin her abuse on Sam one of the nicest nurses here who happens to be Jamaican (I think) yes yes here it comes

"Don't you touch me! Get your filthy hands off me" I actually want to leap from this bed and wheel the nasty woman into a cupboard until she gets some manners. (This would be impossible I only leap with pain spasms the only movement I do is with my hands and eyelids the rest of the time I look like medusa has stared at me at made me into stone. Movement equals pain pain equals movement so stillness is the only option.

Then I wait again, nice Mary with everyone else. I know what this evening will bring she will start at 9pm spot on and create until 3 if her previous patten of behavior is to go by. I'll just have to wait and see.

I hear the trolley wheeling, it's medication time I'm given my tub of medicines 7 pills 2 injections and a syringe of penicillin into my veins that smarts a bit too, apparently i have tissue forming there and need a new canular fitting great! Can't wait for that!

Meds given I can feel my bladder is almost full to bursting and I'm staring at the bedpan waiting for it to magically fill itself. Nope that's not going to happen

I tell you want is going to happen my special word I only use for occasions like this

FUCKING HELL as I'm pulling my body weight by my arms screaming this word through gritted teeth I manage with a few OH GODS and fucking hells to half stand half lean

A bit like the hunch back of Notradam

Pull the bedpan with my legs astride and wait for pain to ease enough for brain to process the pee. 3 whole minutes I stand then I get a trickle, followed by another wait then another trickle wait trickle wait flood of pee trickle wait flood flood flood shit new bed pan required overflow no stop valve fucking hell shit ouch ouch oh god fuck

Piss everywhere overflowing bed pan river on floor.

Pissy Polly pants yup what a doll!

Press call button, and wait only 2 mins this time and I instantly feel sorry for the young girl who now has to clean me up and my piss, plus endure the words I can not help fly out of my mouth when getting me back in bed.

Im currently not an angel right now 🙊🙉

Not even 8 o clock yet!

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Louise prestwich

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