After I made it to the top of the mountain, there was no longer much of a pathway, just endless fields of sheep with fences leading nowhere. It was quite breathtaking and peaceful. I lingered about for a bit photographing Scottish flora such as: the rowan berry tree, clusters of white wildflowers, and long stems of violet heather, in an attempt to convince myself this was all part of the highland adventure.
I had become a professional photographer five years earlier. I hated my previous job and one day my father told me “it’s not a job if you do what you love.” From that moment on my passion became my career and my camera was always by my side. One thing I could say about my venture astray, I was certainly embracing my father’s gypsy lifestyle.
It wasn’t long before my positive spirit plunged into fear. How in the world was I going to find my way out of here. How long could I keep trekking through this labyrinth of sheep? Did I have enough water and snacks? How much trouble will I be in with my son when I get back? “I left you alone for one day,” he would lecture me. Would he ever travel with me again, if I even survived that is. Was my brother's delusional description of our childhood; “lost and alone, naked and afraid” going to become a reality? There was also a constant murky haze lingering over my head reminding me of the looming precipitation.
Just as I was starting to panic, a cloud of misty fog descended revealing hints of sparkling blue water. There it was, my saving grace, the ocean! The deep dark blue sea, fit for a mysterious sea serpent with the horizon as my compass. I'm a fisherman’s daughter, I can find my way back along the coast anytime. “Use your Yankee Ingenuity,” my mother would say. Feeling proud of the knowledge I had accumulated throughout my lifetime, and quite resourceful, I headed down the other side of the hill towards the water.
During my repose I wondered, why was I always thinking of what everyone else thought? My grandmother, my parents, my brother, my son? Why were all of their voices in my head?
I had a good time after all. I was resourceful and responsible. I wasn't harmed in any way. I was just as brave and ventersome as I had taught my boys to be. There was that peaceful moment on the top of the hill where they all left my mind and I appreciated my isolated surroundings.
As soon as I returned home I started to plan my next journey. A journey into the lost and found, chasing after my own dreams, on a search for my own voice. I was not just another lost sheep waiting for a shepherd to find me. I could find myself.