101 Tips for a Happier Marriage Session 4: Have Each Other’s Back (Tips 83-101)

Discussion Questions

1. What are bad ways to help or try to help your spouse? What are better alternatives?

2. How would you feel if your spouse came to you with: “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t realize this would bother you so much.” How would respond in that situation? (Tip 93)

3. Now think about how you’d feel if your spouse said, “I did mean to hurt you. I was angry. My feelings were hurt. I wanted to get back at you.” How would you respond to that honest admission? Note that those words should be followed by: “I was wrong to hurt you. I hope you can forgive me.” (Tip 94)

4. Share with the group something your spouse does for you, especially if it’s above and beyond the call of duty. The big things are more obvious and easy to thank your spouse for, but what’s a little thing he or she does? Other’s responses may give you ideas for things you could or should be doing for your spouse or thanking your spouse for. (Tip 98)

5. Is prayer an important part of a marriage? How can a married couple involve God more in their relationship? (Conclusion)

6. Are there any undiscussed tips in this book that were particularly helpful or meaningful to you? Any tips that you put into practice with good results?

7. Brainstorm unique, fun things you can do with your spouse in the next couple of days. If you and your spouse did this Reading Group together, do an activity to celebrate finishing. If your spouse let you leave home to do this on your own, do the fun activity as a thank you.

Personal Reflections:

1. Do I help my spouse with a task or do I show him the One True Way to Do It? Which is more loving?

2. Is it easy or hard for me to ask for help? When I do ask, is it nicely or do I whine or demand? Do I need to work on this? (Tips 83-85)

3. Do I ever find myself complaining about who does what and how often? If so, I need to stop that right now. The important thing is that what needs to get done, gets done and that I thank my spouse for his or her contributions. (Tip 86)

4. Am I good at saying, “I’m sorry. Please forgive me”? (Tips 91-92)

5. Am I able to accept my spouse’s apology graciously without lording it over him or her?

6. What could I do around the house without being asked? What needs to get done that no one really wants to do? Can I do it without complaining or needing praise and acknowledgement for my actions? (Tip 99)

7. What one, two, or three tips do I particularly want to work on? (If it’s helpful, make a schedule to work on each tip for a week or longer until it becomes second nature. Remember that you cannot rely on your spouse to make you happy. Take the pressure off your spouse by taking charge of your own needs. Anything he or she does to add to your happiness is a bonus.)

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