Tinder and . . .
Relationship specialist Chris MacGovern on what the Telegraph and Vanity Fair make of Tinder . . .
Recently the Telegraph and now Vanity Fair launched a serious critique of what the ‘Tinder’ generation means for us. They were asking if we have lost the ability to manage medium and longterm meaningful relationships? Have we lost skills such that we shouldn’t expect relationships to last “till death do us part” anymore?
As a Wimbledon and Canary Wharf couple counsellor I come across couples with just this dilemma. The model they are trying to live up to demands successful commitment to a lifelong relationship. In the marriage stakes anything less is branded by society as failure. Some come to relationship counsellors such as myself in the hope of finding a template they can use to achieve what feels very unachievable to them here. And I am afraid I don’t think we have one. Of course we can and do help them with all the skills and exploration that keeps a relationship healthy. But sometimes that is not enough.
Let me explain. “Till death do us part”, was launched at a time when the average relationship lasted a decade, or two if you were lucky. Childbirth, plague, viruses, warfare, bad health and sanitation and pre health and safety bad luck all took their tole. Anyone living more than forty years a few centuries ago was highly likely to be well into their second marriage. Now modern healthcare has changed all that. A young couple getting married in their mid twenties can probably count on at least sixty years together. Thats a relationship challenge that the original promise was never expected to accommodate.
From my clinical work with over 1000 couples I have learnt that where they really do want to stay together, they will and we form a team that makes sure that happens. However for some keeping a decades long relationship alive can be tough. And sometimes I find myself working with couples for whom separating sadly really does make sense to them.
If you are not sure if you can keep that commitment, working with a relationship counsellor can be one of the best ways of making sure that the you are making the right choices. They are not there to push you in any particular direction, but help you engage with what you need to do.
As always this is Christopher MacGovern signing off with; “talk to your therapist”.
Relationship counselling for individuals and couples
Find out more about specialist couple and relationship counselling services in Wimbledon and Canary Wharf call me on: 07500 582 526 or email: firstname.lastname@example.org