Being raped by your manager is horrific enough...But the real trauma can be in how you recover from that. Navigating years of suicide, medicating with self + prescription substances, amongst endless varieties of therapy to combat relentless anxious madness is no longer a worth while battle. No one wins, certainly not me.

Decisions and influential actions of executives has been the worst kept industry cover up that lead me to writing this post for you all right now, this isn't a knee-jerk reactive whim or capitalisation of a hot topic. It was inevitable, but it had to be a decision I came to terms with. Finally I am comfortable in that not only the world being ready, but more than ever, I am ready.

I want to find satisfaction within myself again. Personal boundaries that set precedent of fulfilment and inner peace are so tormented the only result has been a horrible primitive state of survival instincts which is useless to prosper and taxing for others.

I did report to the police upon returning to 2Day FM at the time, but made a choice seemingly right. Regrettable in hind-sight.

Scandals at 2Day FM were plentiful and the timing of the incident was at the tail of one "royal" saga. That controversy was becoming dormant with a new click worthy headlines as the media beast itself was hungry for sensationalised stories to indulge their audiences with.

Assured that I am in safe hands with the company to handle it all and backed by fear of what the media would say, what the public would think and how my identity that I worked so passionately to earn would be taken further from my control into the summaries of sensationalised reporting. I chose to dimly deal with it off the public record.

Loyalty quickly felt more in line with stupidity, HR. as human as your typical story book big bad wolf. Highly resourceful at sweeping close to rugs and empathy as compassionate as a dodgy self help book entitled-

"ultimate all purpose checklist of things to cover your ass with"

Somewhere in the fine print you would find-

"When referring to you, what we mean is us (the company) as you are a resource for us"

How do I continue to exist in a world where those in direct power of your career, passion and livelihood turn that inherent respect of authority into devious control. I had no idea or capacity to research my rights at the time and now it makes me feel sick knowing how much better it could have been and will do everything I can to ensure others can also understand that what I am dealing with is despicable and torturous and this burden is not mine to carry.

The response to the incident internally at 2day FM had the executive manager be stood down, walked out of the building. Now here is a award worthy example of how professional shit shiners can spin anything to gold, was it a coincidence that the result of this was a deal struck with a competitor? Well...

There was a prompt move of everything lost over to a low-rating competitor.

Readily desperate to build a shiny new home for the occasion with more perks and power included. Clap clap for that little stroke of desperate survival I guess. Certified by the industry awards, self-nominated and publicly rewarded for a sneaky cover-up. Reputation saved. That sucked.

In an environment I trusted to be respected of my well being too many times when in vulnerable situations. So much of what I was proud of is gone, and despite any of the whispers around the industry, No I was never paid out, not a cent. I hope that is clear. I was never about accusing wild scenarios for quick cash. I chose to build my own inner resilience from this until the bitter end which is now. Nothing ahead will be as hard as what getting to this point was. To those who literally and probably repeatedly saved me in dark times thank you, for those I hurt or leant on too much i'm so sorry.

Just before Christmas I re-opened my case with new detectives and will be standing by the truth. I am exploring all options of the law to set precedence for others who may find themselves somewhere in a similar lonely dark journey that can take years to recover from, if at all.