“Your sexuality is rooted in your relationship with yourself. Although our cultural model tells us that sex is about what you do with other people, those connections are actually secondary. Your true primary relationship is with yourself. All other sexual connections flow from this foundational relationship.
Your sexuality is also holistic, encompassing your connection with all the interwoven, inseparable facets of your wondrous self and all that surrounds you. That includes your unique genetic blueprint; your physical, emotional and spiritual relationship with your body; your history and life experiences; the beliefs that you were exposed to growing up; your current beliefs and assumptions; your past and present intimate relationships; the myriad communities you’re part of; our ubiquitous media; and all of our many other influences. All these things together are what have formed your unique relationship with yourself and affect all your connections to the world.
For many people, many of these influences are unconscious and buried in shadow and shame. If you want to have better sex, explore your full erotic potential and have deeply healthy intimate relationships with others, you need to begin with your relationship with yourself and bring your sexuality into the light of awareness. Only after you have done this important learning and healing work and developed a strong foundation of self-love and connection to your source can you become your own fabulous lover, and proceed from there to have your relationships with others be the healing partnerships and divine union we all yearn for.
Your sexuality, in other words, isn’t only a portal to pleasure- it’s also a gateway to yourself.”
~Sheri Winston, CNM, RN, BSN, LMT in “Women’s Anatomy of Arousal”
To the right are the seven pathways for holistic sexuality. Each of these pathways contributes to the whole picture of what your sexual health is today. Consider each pathway and its specific impact on your sexual health. You can explore how even small changes on these paths may lead to a fuller more satisfying sexual life.
Stress Response Cycle: One of the most important ways you can support your own sexual health is to make sure that the fight or flight cycle is completed. Create a healthy context to follow your matriz to “unfreeze, escape your predator, kill your enemy, rejoice.” Or in other words, release your emotions. This week make time for:
- Physical movement/ exercise
- Create art
- Talk to loved ones
- Give and receive physical affection
- Feel your feels
“Pleasure is the embodiment of our desire. Pleasure is how we live the exquisite, intuitive feeling state of the feminine. Pleasure is expressed through sensations in the body, the movement of energy and our radiance. Pleasure can be subtle like a warm bath or explosive like a full body orgasm. Our relationship with pleasure is an indicator of the state of our vibrancy and health.” ~ Lara Catone
1. What is one thing you want to do that will increase your individual pleasure? That will “fill” you up?
2. What is one thing that you want to do with your partner or a close loved one that will be pleasurable?
3. What is one thing that you want to do with your family that will increase your collective pleasure?