March 8, 2017
So I have a terrible memory and I love to procrastinate. Here I am writing my thoughts on some random webpage I will forget about in a week, instead of doing AP Language homework. Where to begin... I guess from the title of my page you may be wondering what it means to ruminate. (Definition of ruminate: to go over in the mind repeatedly and often casually or slowly : to chew repeatedly for an extended period: to chew again what has been chewed slightly and swallowed : chew the cud : to engage in contemplation : reflect) I love to engage in deep thoughts and really analyze things. I am always thinking about something but it is a casual thought. I quickly move on with my thoughts and never really take time and reflect unless I write a note for myself. This is a gift and a curse. I often thank God for the way He made my mind, but more often than not I ask Him why I can't just be like everyone else. I am currently in a season where God is poking my shortcomings and it's starting to get uncomfortable. Weeks ago, I was desperately asking God to show up in a big way in my life, to my dismay, He showed me I have more growing to do. I was singing a prayer in the car and God showed me that the root to almost all of my problems is follow-through. I will follow through and give my best to others, but not to myself. Some evident shortcomings this week: self-control, time management, goal-setting/follow-through, and self discipline. I looked at this lovely list of where I need to grow and I asked myself, "Out of all of these things, which is the easiest to work on?" Sadly, none of them are easy. My week's focus: time management and follow-through. I want to experience all God has for me, and to do that I need to start getting serious about doing everything to the best of my ability. I am falling behind in school and I feel like I am gaining five pounds. a day. God is taking my hand and showing me slowly how to live a pleasing life for Him. Despite all of my shortcomings and failures, I know God is more than enough. He is my portion and my pride. There is no place I'd rather be than here in His Love.
To whomever is reading this... I pray that you learn to walk in the love of God and that you gain something from my utter vulnerability. In a world where everyone puts up a mask -- including me -- I hope this can be a place where the Spirit moves through my words and where God can bring a small light into a dark world.