In my current state of mind, I am struggling having a balanced inner voice. What I mean is I let my inner defender and inner critic get the best of me. I tend to shut down and get frustrated if school or my social life is not going the way I want it to go. For example, when I got a bad grade on one of my primary source assignments, I said to myself, “How did I get a C- on this? If my professor would stop being so indecisive on what she wants a good grade I would not have this problem”, I stopped and consciously realized that my inner defender came roaring out. What I am trying to say is that I tend to blame others for the outcome of my life which is a destructive tendency of mine. I now recognized this and work on it every day now.
My inner critic has caused me too many missed opportunities in life. Back in high school, I played the violin. I was good at it, been playing for 13 years. I would get embarrassed when playing in front of people because I would always say to myself that people don’t think it is a cool instrument, or it’s not a popular talent. So I shied away and quit after high school. Moral of the story, keep your inner voice balanced, sometimes you have to tune out your inner defender and critic to gain more knowledge and progress.