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The Steven Peeler Newsletter Oh, I forgot he does this. Good for him.

Hello everyone. My name is Greg, and I am writing a guest column in the Steven Peeler Newsletter this week. Steven was very accommodating, and was happy to take the week off. (He told me he would use this time to get know his chair better.) I've been thinking about the Steven Peeler Newsletter a lot lately as I approach my 80th birthday. The newsletter brings back many memories for me. A lot of the sentimental moments in my life involved this newsletter in one way or another. I asked my wife to marry me through the Steven Peeler Newsletter. I taught my kids to read via this newsletter. I asked my wife to divorce me via this newsletter. The Steven Peeler newsletter has been in my life for a long time.

Here is a photo of a birthday cake. Like I previously mentioned, I'm about to turn 80.

You see, I was friends with Steven's grandfather, Steven "I was the fist one to write the newsletter" Peeler. And yes, that was his legal middle name. I was with him the day he thought of the idea. We were in college, in line to get some pizza, when Steven noticed that everyone in the establishment was reading the newspaper. He then said to the people in the building, "Hey everyone, I have a really cool idea! What if instead of reading these long boring newspapers, you could read a short, one-page newsletter that was actually funny and entertaining? Initially, not a lot of people will read it, but over time, more and more people will notice how good it is, and start telling their friends about it. It will lead to me making enough money to quit my day-job as a copywriter at the local big-time ad agency, and I can spend all my time making the newsletter as creative and fun as possible. Eventually, I will become too old to keep up with the demanding weekly schedule, so I will transfer responsibilities to my 22-year-old grandson, Steven "I was the second one to write the newsletter" Peeler. Surely his youth and exuberance will ensure that he never misses the weekly deadline. The newsletter will go down as one of the greatest publications of all-time, and it all started right here."

This isn't the exact Pizza we were eating, because they didn't have any photo's from 50's. I apologize.

The crowd erupted in cheer, and gave Steven a standing ovation. Ever the clever entrepreneur, he quickly made a sign-up sheet for people to put their addresses on. Everyone signed up. When we left, I told him I just witnessed history, and he said, "I sure hope so, Greg. Also, you forgot to sign-up. You don't want to miss the first issue, it's going to be great." He was so humble, yet arrogant at the same time, it was astonishing. The newsletter did take off, and it quickly became the top selling newsletter in the country. Steven was winning all the major newsletter awards. Newsletter of the year, Newsletter of the decade, GQ's Best Dressed Newsletter Editor. (That award has since been discontinued, unfortunately.) Steven and I eventually lost touch, but I was still a devoted reader.

This is a picture that makes a comment about the previous paragraph.

While I have a deep history with this newsletter, I have recently become disappointed with Second Steven. It seems like every week the newsletter comes out later and later. (He couldn't even get this one out on time.) Back in my day, the Steven Peeler Newsletter would come out on a Monday. You would wake up in the morning, cook some scrambled eggs, pour yourself a nice cup of coffee, and read the Monday newsletter. Times were much simpler back then. In the evening, you would turn on the news, and your local newsletter anchorman would read you the evening newsletter. Oh, to be young again.

I would recommend that Steven invest in a watch. It does not have to be this specific watch, as I do not know where he could buy it, but as long as it can tell time, I think he will be fine.

I remember the days where I had to wake up at five in the morning, and walk up a giant hill in the snow to get my Steven Peeler Newsletter. It was the journey that made each newsletter so precious and wonderful. Even during the summer when it wasn't snowing, I would save some snow from the winter, and throw it up in the air while I was walking, just so I could get that full experience. Now he just posts it on Instagram and Facebook like some big-shot Hollywood writer. Instagram is for pictures, not shameless self-promotions. People want to see cute photos of puppies, not the latest musings from a 22-year-old college student in Portland. Does he realize that most of the people he is sharing this with haven't talked to him in years, and have no interest in his silly-time happy hour? And why does he post it for free? Does he not care about making money? At the peak of the Steven Peeler Newsletter, people were paying $20/month. Now they can casually scroll through a long-winded piece about Safeway. (Yippie.) (That was sarcastic. I'm not sure if sarcasm works on the internet.)

I enjoy this photo of snow. That's why I put it here.

The Steven Peeler Newsletter use to be fun. You use to get a prize at the bottom of each newsletter. If you read 10 consecutive issues, you would get a free t-shirt that said, "I now fully understand Steven Peeler." The original Steven would hand-write thank you notes to each subscriber. He would ask you what your favorite paragraph was, and what parts you thought could have been improved. He would hold weekly contests where people could submit ideas for topics. Now, Naive Steve just writes whatever he wants, and puts it out into the world. Every newsletter is full of typos, but he refuses to hire an editor. He never says thank you, and he hosts a weekly public-access show where people call in and tell him how great he is. That's it. That's the entire show. He just sits there and bathes in the compliments.

This is a metaphor for how fun the newsletter should be.

B-list Steven needs to go back to his grandfather's roots. He needs to stop spending so much time on his advertising career, and focus more on what truly makes him happy. It's damaging this beautiful legacy. I mean, did you even read the last newsletter about presentations? (I know the numbers for that post, and no, not a lot of people did.) If he can devote more time to doing what he was born to do, then great things will happen. His grandfather went for it, and he needs to as well.

Stop doing this, Steven.

My name is Greg, and I'm glad I was able to have my voice heard.

I will be writing each of you thank you notes.

Also, while we're here, I feel entitled to 50% of the profits, since I was there the day he came up with it, but we can talk more about that later.

"

Credits:

Created with images by Kristina Tamašauskaitė - "Vintage Underwood Typewriter" • Pexels - "birthday birthday cake cake" • marker_photography - "pizza ham cheese view from the top" • Kaleb Nimz - "Cheering crowd at a concert" • Pat Taylor - "Always on time" • Andre Benz - "Concrete Winterland." • Grace Ho - "untitled image" • FirmBee - "adwords seo sem" • Aaron Burden - "Thank you!"

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