Inner Critic Definition: The Inner Critic judges self, blames self, complains about self, and demeans self. Its positive intention is to protect self from failure, but the actual result is either a partial attempt or no attempt at all.
Inner Critic Example: I feel like I sometimes have an inner critic voice / attitude when I attempt to make friends with the ladies and feel like I fail. One particular example was when I was at the bar. I talk to girls I don't know a good bit, but often in a playful not serious way and expecting nothing to come out of it. However at the bar, I was still nervous to talk to the girls. This was probably due to the fact that I wanted to actually have a good talk and get them to like me as well as the overall scene felt older and more mature. One girl was at the bar and I wanted to talk to her. I engaged in conversation with her but it was short-lived and she walked over to another guy so the only thing she gave me was my first L of the night (that's what it felt like so I told myself I have no shot and am not good at talking to girls). I then tried to talk to another girl and that time was a straight up fail as in absolutely no interest from the beginning. I then hung out with a group of girls for a while but we were just dancing and stuff and it was kind of fun, but I think they weren't really interested and were just having fun and probably thought I was a fool. Although this was kind of fun, I told myself since I did not have a good talk or get any phone numbers that it was a fail. I then had a pretty good conversation with one girl but she had a boyfriend and was older so there wasn't much connection and we obviously couldn't really be friends. All of these scenarios make me feel like I have no game and make me think I will struggle to get girlfriends and eventually a wife and that I am just not great at being social.
Revising Inner Critic: To avoid the negativity of the inner critic I should not consider these as all failures. I should probably think of them as practice and don't get frustrated. I should just be persistent in trying to talk to girls and change up how I talk to girls sometimes as in not always just having fun and being silly, but having some more serious conversations / relationships. Also I could recognize that lots of times things just aren't meant to be and it is not anybody's fault in particular.
Inner Defender Definition: The Inner Defender judges others, then blames them before self-assessment takes place. Once blaming an external takes place, complaining about the external and demeaning the external replaces problem-solving and escape occurs. Its positive intention seems to be fending off criticism and punishment from others.
Inner Defender Example: I think that I personally don't find myself stuck on the inner defender as often just because it isn't really who I am or who I try to be. I think I am harder on myself than I am towards others in general. One really big and serious example though is that I sometimes think in my head that it is my parents (specifically my Dad's) fault that I am in the position I am currently in with my life, school, and career. I will preface by saying it is a great position that I'm sure many people would love to be in. I feel that I am in a position to succeed in probably all of those areas greatly due to my parents and how they raised me and the opportunities they provided for me throughout my life. However, at this stage in life I have more freedom than I ever have and have to make more important decisions that will greatly impact the rest of my life than I ever have. The problem with all of this is that I feel lost. I want to earn everything myself and make my own way, yet I still want many of the opportunities I wouldn't have access to on my own especially financially. I have no idea what I want to do as a major or with my college experiences, and I sometimes feel like what I want to do with my life does not always seem as realistic especially with my background and upbringing because it is not necessarily what my Dad worked his ass off for me to be able to do and it is so different from the life I have lived so far. Also I am torn between what I want and the things I want don't really go together as often. Another inner defender thought about this is that I have had a lot of guidance throughout my life and have probably made a lot of, and probably too many, decisions because of my Dad whether from his advice or just what I thought he would want or for whatever reason it was. To summarize, I sometimes blame my feeling of being lost on my parents when I really shouldn't.
Revising Inner Defender: To use the inner guide mindset instead of inner defender in this situation, I need to consistently acknowledge that my parents raised me up the best they could and they did a damn good job. They have provided an excellent situation for me to be able to succeed in life. Any feelings I have of being lost probably stem from myself and or the society I live in and that maybe it isn't always a bad thing to feel a little lost, maybe that is how you can find your best self.