Portfolio Reflection

Throughout my time working on this portfolio, I feel that I have picked on some things about myself that I have not realized or have tried to see or face. The exhibit that I feel brought this about the most may have been the Learning Outcome #1: Recognizing and Revising Self-Talk Patterns. With this exhibit, I had to describe the thoughts that I feel that surround the three inner voices: The inner critic, inner defender, and the inner guide. This was an exciting, yet troubling, activity for me to tackle. I have never really been able to express these thoughts in any form to anyone, including myself. This exhibit was probably the first time that I was truly honest with myself about how I feel on a daily basis. I am used to criticizing myself on everything I do, and I am a very harsh critic. Harsh to the point where I will tear myself down over almost anything that I do and experience. Just reading the rubric for this exhibit hit me hard. It made me think that about how hard I am on myself, how that just destroys the confidence that I have left, how this nagging voice in my head is getting me nowhere in life, just making me think that all I am going to do is continue to hit rock bottom. I honestly feel somewhat relieved having done this exhibit. Like I have said, I have never confronted this part of myself, at least not this thoroughly. However, having read the description of the inner guide and actually identifying a moment where I could relate myself to hearing this voice, I feel there is hope that I can turn things around. I am at a point, one the lowest points in my life, where I need confidence in myself more than anything. I really mean this when I say that doing this portfolio made me feel that I can get back on track with my life, from doing things like examining the thoughts in my head that I never really acknowledged until now to utilizing the tools that I have picked up form this course and implementing the plans that I have created for myself in order to succeed. Speaking of which, creating and carrying out the plans included in my portfolio has put ease on my mind, after feeling so unorganized for so long. When I was in high school, I would create little to-do list when I felt that things were getting out of control and that I might forget something. When I got to college, that way of thinking was completely gone. Obviously, ‘winging it’ has not really gone well for me. Having the different tools that I have picked up in this course and using them for this portfolio made me feel good about the future. That stability, an element of I have been missing for far too long in my life is obtainable. All in all, the thoughts that I have gathered and resources that I have learned from and used for this portfolio make me look towards the future and made me think that if I try hard enough. Things will get better.


Created with images by geralt - "thinking thinking work man"

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