Chia-Ling

Chia-Ling and Alexandre met at the University of Tokyo when she was in the first year of her Mater degree. Alexandre was already in the second year and was about to graduate, but they shared the same advanced Japanese language class: “I was already fluent in Japanese when I arrived in Japan, that's why we shared the same advanced class. But I noticed that guy who was always seated close to me in the classroom, and one day he asked me for some help in Japanese. I was really better than him, so I helped. That's how we started to know each other and of course after sometime we started to date...”

At the end of his Master degree, Alexandre got an opportunity at MIT after his graduation: “ I had no idea what MIT was... I thought it was a Japanese institute or university, or something.. When I looked for it on Internet, I understood it was in the United States. My dream was to work and make a career in Japan... So I asked him what it would means for us? If we would have to break up? I was very practical at that time, I thought it was not fair because we dated for only a few weeks. He told me breaking up was not in his plan. I told myself I had to continue my studies and start my career, so our long distance relationship started when he took the plane for the US. We managed to keep contact with each other through Skype... Thanks to the time difference (12hours) it was easy to manage. After graduated I returned to Taiwan and worked for a Japanese company, I didn't want to give up my dream.”

After three years of long-distance relationship, Chia-Ling and Alexandre decided it was time to live together: “We couldn't keep this situation, and we really wanted to be together. I told him now you are halfway in your PHD journey, I can join you... So I quit my job and took a plane to the US. The first 6 months were very difficult because we actually never lived together... It was the worst moment of our relationship. I didn't belong in this country and English is not my native language and I had no job, so that was very tough for me. But gladly after 10 month of search I finally found a job I really liked.”

Moving in a foreign country was not really a big change for Chia-Ling. She already had left for her studies in Japan, but it was actually a challenge to do so in the U.S: “It was a mixing of excitement and anxiety... I had traveled to the U.S two times already to visit him, but it was the first time I had to go to live there. So the beginning was not to bad, I met a lot of people, they had some welcome events in Cambridge (we arrived around Thanksgiving...), and their spouse club was full of activities like cooking class, yoga and other social activities. So the beginning was very joyful, but at some point it stopped. I realized I came here to be with my husband, but I needed to do something else than being at home without job. So I started job hunting and it was very frustrating because I applied to several companies and nobody answered. I started to ask myself : What is wrong with me? Nobody wants to hire me... It was very depressing. I started to volunteer to create my own network. During that time I asked myself a lot of questions... What can I do? What do I want t o do?who am I? It was the kind of questions I never asked myself before. I realized if I hadn't done that I would never have to think about myself that way. It was a good introspection. My life became more challenging than what it was before. I think I had more opportunities to improve myself and another purpose in my life.”

Alexandre graduated from his PhD and was hired at Caltech for a Post doc position: “So after two years in Boston I had to say goodbye again to my friends and quit my job again. We flew to California where we live now. When I was younger I didn't imagine one day I would follow someone like I did with him. I always pictured myself in my own career... I actually enjoyed when I was single, I had my friends, my job... I was pretty successful when I was in my country. So I insisted when we took the decision to live together that I would have to make my career and it was important, I didn't want to be just a housewife, so I managed to work. Maybe if I could go back in time I would have done things differently in my job and my career.

When we knew we would move to Pasadena, at the beginning I didn't want to tell my colleagues in Boston we would move to Pasadena as I hadn’t been in that company for a long time... But at some point I had to of course. A few month before we moved I started to create my own map for the different companies I would apply for jobs in Los Angeles area. I looked for some places like Torrance, Long Beach, etc... But those places are not easy to reach by metro or bus and it takes too much time to commute from Pasadena. So in that sense I was a little disappointed. The ground transportation conditions here are very disappointing... For me at least. It is a totally different lifestyle.”

On a cultural point of view, coming from Asia and moving in the U.S was very different: “English was a big transition for me, first. It took me time before I could express my thought as easily as I would do in my native language. We used to speak in Japanese when we lived in Japan, but when we moved to the U.S, we started to speak in English of course. He helped me a lot for that. I used to bring a dictionary with me every day to make sure I would have the correct vocabulary and make correct sentences when I talked to my husband and other people...I know it sounds crazy! (Laughs). I have to say sometimes I was so afraid to make mistakes before some job applications, that I tried to write everything I would say before making a call. But those experiences made me stronger I think. Secondly, there is a lot of difference between Asia and the U.S. Here you have to speak out to make others listen to you... In my country and in Japan, this is the opposite, you don't have to speak out to earn that, it is something that seems rude. We see you and we wait for you to finish to say what you have to say before starting to talk. In Asia we prefer humble personalities to demonstrative ones.”

"Looking back at my experience, I would encourage people to get out of their comfort zone and try something you never tried before... Don't stop at the obstacles and difficulties you are facing right now. Of course sometimes I am still frustrated by my situation, having no friends, no family, no job or even a car... feeling enclosed in the house cooking, doing laundry, cleaning the carpet (Laughs)... But I think it is also a good time to think about myself, think of what I want to do in my life, get a new direction to follow... It was a good time to think about questions I never had the occasion to ask myself before. Life is a journey, and you always learn something no matter how hard it can be."

Created By
Christophe Marcade
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Christophe Marcade

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