One example of me being an inner critic was after about two weeks into going to the gym consistently 5 days a week, I decided not to go because I told myself I wasn’t strong enough and that I couldn’t do it enough to actually get stronger. I said that I’ve always been lanky and that it really wasn’t possible to change. I should have said that I can do it and that everyone starts from scratch at one point. I should have said that it can be done and that it takes patience. I shouldn’t be so hard on myself.
After my first physics exam, I didn’t feel very confident in the grade I was going to receive. Instead of owning up to it and deciding I should change the way I approach physics, I told myself it was just because my physics teacher had dull lectures and the microphone he uses is terrible so I couldn’t all that he was saying. Instead of using those as excuses, I should move closer to the front to hear him and take more time outside of class to study the material to better understand it because I can’t expect his lectures to be exciting.
On a Monday night, I had decided to waste as much time as possible doing nothing important and at 11 o’clock I realized I had two homework assignments due at midnight. For a brief second, I decided that they were unimportant and didn’t need to be done but then I told myself I had nothing better to do and because I wasted all that time doesn’t mean I have the right to skip some of my classwork.
I would say that my default inner voice is probably the inner critic. I have always struggled with being too hard on myself and wanting to be a perfectionist, which has led me to giving up on many different things in my life. It disguises itself as laziness and makes me not do things or even try doing things because I am afraid to fail at them or not be good enough at them. This is a terrible way to live your life because you never seize the opportunities that could benefit you so much. The inner critic is ruthless and it feels worse because it’s coming from within. I would say inner critic is mine because of how hard I am on myself. I definitely want to change it but it’s hard to do because it is so big in my personality. I can see myself changing it by being more open to trying new things without the expectation of being the best at that given thing, because in reality I don’t have to be the best, let alone good at it. I can begin to implement a healthier dose of the inner guide by still going to the gym and taking everything one step at a time, despite not being the best at something, because in that way I can slowly recognize just doing something to the best of your abilities is all you can ask from yourself. I need to find more enjoyment in the things I do too because in that way I won’t be so hard on myself. I want to initially put it into practice regarding school because I will often times just bail on a subject in general if it appears to difficult or complicated to me and that is really damaging. I should embrace the challenge I try to do my best, which hopefully is an A, but if it isn’t it’s not the end of the world either. I hope that developing a more consistent inner guide can lead me to be less of an inner critic and to not be so hard on myself about everything.