Jacquelyne The Heiress from Paris (TX)

She was all anyone could talk about...

but no one cares anymore


...IN 2017


Jacquelyne was the biggest household name of the aughts.

Though still big in parts of Asia, Millennials DGAF (Don't Give a Fuck).

And to those who do remember her, she's merely a punchline.

After a recent Ayahuasca retreat in Peru, Jacquelyne is now invigorated to stake her claim on social media.

She's on a mission to matter once again and to use her relevance to combat animal cruelty.

It's The Comeback meets The Kardashians.



Keeps it real one hundy, ho-ney! Heiress to the second largest oil family in Texas. She became an unavoidable household name for her high-fashion drug addiction as a teenage reality star. Now sober (except for psychotropics) and aggressively vegan, Jacquelyne will stop at nothing to be relevant once again.


Jacquelyne's former BFF. She's moved on to a fulfilling life as a mommy blogger. Oh and being a mom, sure.


Jacquelyne's most trusted friend. Gender-fluid, make-up guru extraordinaire. Big on YouTube, but so aggressively nothing.


Snookie on wheels. Loyal assistant (indentured servant) to Jacquelyne ever since her mafia father lost her in a poker game. Gets things done and would jump in front of a bus for Jacquelyne. Literally. That's how she ended up in the wheel chair.


Recently hired Millennial Consultant to help boost Jacquelyne's relevance. An advocate for authenticity, she is the voice of the audience.


Jacquelyne tries to raise money for her most passionate charity, Doctor's Without Botox, but none of her bottom-feeding friends actually donate. Rashelle doesn't even RSVP.

Jacquelyne has to convince burn victims not to sue after her new self-lighting phone case proves to be incendiary. Rashelle is quoted on BuzzFeed for talking smack about it.

Esther convinces Rashelle to stage a reunion with Jacquelyne complete with upskirt shots, but at the last minute she bails.

Jacquelyne's boisterous dad visits from Texas, re-calibrating her sense of self. For the first time, Rashelle shows up for Jacquelyne as a true friend.

Giafreye and Jacquelyne launch a new set of blush definers only to be outshone by a twenty-year old Instagram star. Giafreye is threatened by Rashelle's attendance.

Jacquelyne founds an online university for women but no one is able to log in without prior photo approval. Rashelle helps promote it, sealing the deal on their rekindled friendship.


Season 1 is all about rekindling Jacquelyne's friendship with Rashelle.

Season 2 focuses on Jacquelyne and Rashelle's decision on what their next big splash will be. Ultimately they decide on a prank show.

Season 3 is the filming of Jacquelyne and Rashelle's train wreck of a prank show.

Season 4 pathetically attempts to publicize the prank show.

In Season 5, Jacquelyne is finally relevant once again, but it's not as satisfying as she thought it'd be.


A mashup of Paris Hilton's current life and Jackie Michele Johnson's SnapRants:


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