Now Solstice is almost upon us, followed by the 12 holy nights that walk our souls through the virtues of the zodiac signs and set the course for our coming year. The veils are thin, illusions thick, the mind a labyrinth of false safety. I soften and drop into center. it is critical that only beauty and harmony be welcomed to incarnate at this time. As the days grow shorter and darker, I surrender to a State non-Doing I have seldom permitted myself to enter. I belong to long dream-rich sourcery sleeps, kundalini yoga to amplify my magnetic heart field with mother, nourishing foods, rich conversations with friends who love me, walks in the woods singing poems into haunting notes that appear like footprints in the snow. Sound healing and spiritual counceling with my mother's moon circle sisterhood. I recognize that I am in the Crucible, the void of regeneration, in which all fragmentation and diseases of separateness surface from deep psyche to be witnessed with unconditional love, are given scaffolding of Laws of Light to evolve upon, and are thus transmuted. This is the Place where courage to See the Field as it Truly Exists and spacious grace of acceptance of our humanness allows miracles to move.
As my mother and I pray and entrain with the frequency of family healing, we dilate our apertures and receive the light of paternal love. After a disastrous Christmas of my mother getting angry at her brother with righteousness and three years of not speaking, my uncle and mother speak kindly and lovingly to each other on Christmas Day. I bow to the fire and weep tears of joy as I see the field of love brighten. This is a miracle of Redemption.
And the next day the unthinkable happens. A man named Arnie who has played guardian angel to my father in all his sickness and hunger and homelessness offers to drive him 2&1\2 hrs just to come have Christmas dinner with my mother and I. This is the first time my parents have been reunited in 11 years. I watch in awe as they make salad and roasted roots and a rack of lamb together. I am blown away by my mother's generosity and my father's tactifulness. I know how pivotal this moment is for my mother to see my father's state of mental imbalance without blame or shame, making it wrong or needing to fix. And to have her boundary with him and ask God to provide him with a sleeping situation outside the house. Arnie pays for a nights stay in a travel lodge. I feel a huge burden lifted from my shoulders. And now it is time to step forward on my own life path. I accept where I am financially and align with my operating system of inner rhythm, I know now I do not need to push or rush or hold myself back to keep up with the tribe. I pass on the invitation to Elan's desert hot springs retreat at Eden with the tribe I celebrated New Years with last year and carved my entire year with. I trust that I am with them, that part of me will be drumming and singing in Native American ceremony.