10 Years Old a letter to mama-B

It's Official, I'm 10 Today!

And I know you're thinking, "Now, Corey, you know you are not a child anymore." But in one way, on this important, dreary, dreadful, horrible day, this is true. I'm 10 years old.

10 years ago, I was born. I was born Corey without you, Mama B. And you took so much kindness and love with you, the world just can't be the same one I traveled the first 17 laps around the sun on. That life was different.

You left too soon. Only 56. We never expected it. We had plans that I would come over to your house the next year whenever it was time for me to read Macbeth, so you could add in all of the color commentary and voice over work. But as things do, that didn't.

They will know your stories, they will know the kind of person you were, they will know why their dad uses the phrase, "Smart as Mama B."

I didn't cry at your funeral. You weren't there. I actually didn't cry for a while. Despite being a regular part of my life, it wasn't too odd to not see each other much going into the summer. But everything hit really hard one night while I was at Debate Camp. We had some session talking about something with the future, and that night, the dams burst...

As a kid of absurdly young parents, I figured that the odds were really high you would meet my kids. They would know you, and know what it means to spend an afternoon, or night at Mama B's. But none of that can happen now.

They will know your stories, they will know the kind of person you were, they will know why their dad uses the phrase, "Smart as Mama B." I'm sure their grandparents will be great, but there is just something about the way you could give a hug, and envelop all the bad that happens.

I don't have some happy way to end this letter. When the letter is done, nothing has changed, we go back to not having you daily in our lives, enriching them with sinfully sweet "something Mama B made (usually, for breakfast)," we won't have afternoons at your house watching Indiana Jones, Star Wars, or any of the other old, but not too old action films (all while hiding from Daddy-B and his westerns collection in the other room), we won't have your soulful voice to soothe us or morph into that scowl when we knew to put ourselves into time out.

Well, we do have this one video from a ways back, before I can remember, but you're singing and when the song if over you'll spend the next years watching your family grow and marry, you'll see your grandchildren born, and you'll be surrounded by friends both old and new that love you very much.

Love and miss ya!

Sadness must be felt. Today, this is where I release my sadness for another year without Mama B

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