I’m driving in the car, just coming home from a fishing trip Up North. It was a good trip, and we are just pulling into the driveway now, I can’t wait to see my kitty. I haven’t seen him in over a week and I am excited to see him. Fwoosh “Were home kitty,” I say.
But he doesn’t come. I look in the kitchen but, he’s not there. Then I look in the living room and… what I see is very, very interesting. My fat kitty cat (can only run for about 5 seconds) is on the couch eating a bowl of ice cream, weird but cool. When I see this, the first thing I do is go to the kitchen, grab a bowl and spoon, open the freezer, get out a container of awesomeness and the contents inside. The stuff is ice cream. Then I go to the living room and sit next to my cat. I look down and see that amazing ice cream and how good it looks and how good it will taste, MMMMMMM I think. The next couple hours will be great.
2 hours later “It’s a world crisis, we just ran out of ice cream”
I don’t know what we're going to do. We need ice cream, it is the way the world works, without ice cream the world will stop spinning completely and we will all die.
“I think it's your fault kitty, you ate all of the ice cream,” I say loudly and very angrily because I really, really want ice cream.
I think that is kitty’s way of saying, “absolutely not, you at all of it. You shouldn’t be blaming me when it is obviously your fault.”
“Well, maybe it is both our faults, we did kind of get carried away eating too much”.
But really I don’t know what to do I am so mad because I just really really want some ice cream. (By the way you may think I am fat but I am actually fit). “But wait, why is the ice cream tub not in the freezer” I say in a very, very suspicious tone, stare at kitty like i’m reading his mind. “MRRROW” says kitty very defensively. As if saying, stop I already said I didn’t eat it all. “And how am I talking to a cat?” I say to him very confused and thinking about the question as it is coming out of my mouth. “And how do you understand what I am saying. You are a cat.” “You’re not a cat. You are more of a person than a cat.”
I am starting to think kitty is not a kitty at all, that he is kitty person and he is hiding all of the ice cream. “Where is it. Where is the ice cream kitty” Say calmly but, about to go crazy on the kitty person.
“Mrrrow. (I don’t know)” he says, very scared, but I can tell he knows where it is. I know i’m going to find it now, he is about to crack. “Just tell me where it is and I won’t pin you down” I say, in a almost yelling tone, in the completely silent room.
Just as I say this kitty starts to run away, but i tackle and pin him just in time. He struggles at first, but then calms down knowing he is stuck.
“Just tell me where it is, so I can get back to eating” I say, very assertive, intimidating him to just spit it out.
“Mrrrow, meow meow meow” (fine, it is in the basement freezer) says kitty, knowing that his run is over, and I now know where it is.
“Don’t think I’m just going up here to run away. You're coming with me”. I say holding on to his scruff, so he won’t get away.
CREAK, CREAK, CREAK. This is the sound the stairs make as I run down them super fast holding on to my kitties scruff. There it is the freezer, the amazingness should be inside. When I open it I am very excited, but when I look inside it is not there.
“Kitty, did you really lie to me. Come on, just tell me where it is”.
“Mrrrrrroooooooooowww. (Fine, it is outside in the snow.) This is what I just wanted to hear all along, the truth. Well ok let's go. “Ahh were outside.”