Inner Critic: I just got my first management test back. It was online so I get to see the grade as soon as I finish. An 88 doesn't really sound that bad in terms of grade I guess, but I could've definitely done better. It kind of makes me feel like if I worked this hard for the first test and I'm still 2 points shy of an A why work as hard the second or third time. A B in this class honestly wouldn't even be that bad. Revision: instead of being upset with myself I should be proud of my accomplishment. The first test is just that the first and I have time, opportunity, and proper motivation to improve rather than just maintain.
Inner Guide: First nutrition test turned out to be an entire shit show. Everyone was distracted and nobody would shut up because the stupid test wouldn't work. I know I failed as soon as I looked at the first question. The whole time I kept thinking about the things I could do to get a better grade on the next one like read or become a regular at office hours. Overall I feel terrible because I know I should have prepared differently, but I see this as an opportunity to really show my skills as a student.
After completing this exhibit, it is easier for me to see that I tend to either over criticize or strategize as a method of dealing with things that didn’t go completely to plan. I think this all goes back to the way I was raise and the way that we view conflict. My parents never let me believe that I was a failure, but they emphasized personal responsibility and both positive and negative consequences. My default in terms of things like school has typically been to turn into the inner critic and bully myself into putting more effort or pretending to care about a subject almost as a form of punishment. As I advance in my academic career I realize how important it is for me to be able to use my failures or my set back as opportunities to improve or even flex my mental muscles a little bit. I noticed that for me if I take a few moments to just breathe and categorize the importance of the task it is easier for me to evaluate it in terms of improvement rather than failure and extreme consequences. This is something I want to continue to practice in my professional life, because when I can’t help a patient the way I want to, I can’t just get upset and mad at myself and shut down. It is imperative that I evaluate each misstep that I make in a way that will allow me to use it as a base for things that might need to change and things that seemed to work.