“L-Leave him alone! C’mon guys, why fight when we can all just play ball?”
“Hehe, look at this girl. She’s acting all tough.”
The boy in front, with impossibly slick hair, sneered at the girl protecting me with her arms extended outwards as far as they could reach. She trembled and whimpered, sniffling back tears, but she wouldn’t budge. The standoff lasted an entire minute, until the Alderwood Soccer Team finally grew bored of towering over two fourth graders who could hardly stand.
“Let’s get outta here. Game’s next week; no point wasting time here,” the leader scoffed.
The pack followed their leader, shouting and laughing without a care. The girl turned to face me; her quivering lips curled into a kind smile, and she extended a shaking hand to me.
“I-It’s all right now, okay? Can you s-stand?”
That day, we decided to become best friends, helping out one another for the next eight years. Even throughout our Junior year in high school, we were texting each other in the mornings to make sure that neither of us overslept. Around middle school, I picked up running as a hobby, and in high school, I decided to dedicate myself to it. With Isa busy with clubs and I with Cross Country practice, school time and late evenings became the only moments of our day that we could talk and play. Despite that, we were as close as ever.
One morning, I awoke to an odd sight. I rubbed my eyes as usual, sitting up in my bed. When my eyes reopened, Isa was staring me down with a grin.
“Ugwah!? Isa? What’re you… m-my room?!”
She giggled at my broken morning speech, taking a step out of my personal space. “Mornin’! Thought I’d make sure you’re awake in person this time. No real reason. Ma let me in as she was darting out the door. Sorry if I scared ya!”
I sighed. “Isa.”
“Yea?”
“I’m awake now. So…”
“So?”
“So I need to change.”
“Okay.”
“Now.”
I gestured at my open bedroom door. After a moment of quizzically staring at me and the door, her eyes flashed with realization.
I waited until the door snapped shut before getting out of bed. Surprisingly, she wasn’t waiting right outside the door, but in front of our gate. I commended her on her decency as we headed out, and spent the next three minutes listening to her surprisingly thorough opinion on the subject.
“Hey, Isa,” I interjected suddenly.
“...but you know, the word does have a nice- Hm? What’s up?”
“Why did you walk all the way to my house, past the school mind you, just to make sure that I was awake? Isn’t that a bit excessive? And creepy?”
“It is not! Not in the slightest! And of course it isn’t creepy, we wake each other up all the time!” she responded with a pout.
“Not in person. In text.”
“Same thing! Texting is just talking from a longer distance.”
“Is that what it is?”
“Yes! It is!”
She laughed at herself, and I joined her. I laughed at her adorable laugh, at her insistence on the definition of texting, and at my terror of failing to break 19:00 at the Cross Country meet this Wednesday. In the end, it seemed that every train of thought led to that. I had pushed myself harder than ever before this past week, all to shave off twenty seconds in three short miles. That was what everything was leading up to.
With every lap, the track seemed to stretch more and more, until I was certain each revolution was a mile. By the end of my second cooldown lap, the November wind had picked up, chilling my skin with the sweat that clung to it. I extended my arms out to catch the wind. Perhaps a rather strong gust would lift me into the sky and I could leave the world behind me. I would seek out Isa, and take her to a faraway land. She’d never want to go, though. Why leave all of her clubs behind just to be with me?
Instead, I recalled my arms, and turned to leave. To my surprise, a certain girl stood before me, waiting patiently.
“Hey there, Isa! Thought you were home by now.”
“Heya, Toby! Well… I decided ‘nah’ to that today,” she said with a hesitant laugh. “Literature let out early, so I figured I’d check out your daily routine.”
“Literature Club, huh? Must be fun, having so many clubs.”
“Oh, yeah. It’s real great. Almost as great as having a whole crew of teammates running alongside you every day.”
“It is pretty great,” I admitted.
She leaned in. “So? You still making friends? Or at least super-close comrades?”
“Ha. Yeah, I’d say the crew’s pretty tight at this point.”
When I looked back at her, Isa was staring at the ground with a distant smile. She mouthed the words I’m glad.
Something told me she hadn’t intended for me to read her lips, so I feigned ignorance. “What was that?”
Her head jerked up, wide-eyed.
“Oh! N-No, sorry! Nothing, nothing at all, haha...”
“C’mon, let’s start to my backpack. So, are you sure nothing’s wrong?” I pressed once more.
“I’m sure. Really! Don’t worry so much, worrywart. Focus on the objective! You should get home and stretch, otherwise you’ll get all sore before the Big Finale!” she commanded with a salute.
She started to walk away, waving her hand as high as it could go.
I waved back.
And she left.
The next morning, she didn’t pick up her phone when I got to school. My texts went unanswered, and I didn’t want to show up at her house for fear of being accused a hypocrite. The president of the Literary Club said she had been absent from second period, and a similar story was told about fifth. Still, I ran with my crew as always, cooling down on my own for at least four laps on the track. With every lap the feeling in my stomach worsened, and by my fourth, I could barely jog. I decided to cut my routine short, and began heading in the opposite direction of my house. Isa’s place was a short five-minute walk from school, but the sun’s light was already fading beneath the horizon by the time I arrived.
Nobody answered the door, but it was unlocked. I ran in, ignoring the open door behind me. There were no lights on downstairs, but when I reached the upstairs hallway, a yellow glow illuminated the floor just outside of her bedroom door.
One clean knock of my fist echoed in the unlit hallway. A muffled “Come in!” escaped the room, and relief flooded my body, soothing the nerves that had been on edge the entire trip here.
I opened the door carefully. Inside, the always-bright-blue walls were dark and sorrowful. The lamp in the corner of her room was the only source of light, and even it flickered with an old bulb. The figurines of superheroes with giant smiles plastered on their faces lied in a mess on the floor, along with books that we’d read together ten times over. A rope was coiled up below the window opposite her bed, which looked really out-of-place. As for Isa herself, she was sitting on her bed, still in her polka-dotted sky blue pajamas.
She was looking up at me, her cheerful smile absent. The sad smile that had replaced it looked somewhat wrong on her.
“Heya, Toby.” Even her voice had lost its chipper tone, but not from a lack of trying.
I set my backpack down, and sat next to her.
“I knew it. Something is wrong.”
“Yeah,” she nodded, looking at her lap. “I guess.”
I scooted closer, looking right at her.
She eventually raised her gaze to meet mine, and sighed.
“When you said that you were close with your teammates, I felt relieved. You know, I was hoping you’d make some other friends eventually, other than me. I knew that one day, you’d run with your own pack. Ever since fourth grade, I knew that one day you’d eventually make other friends and not need me anymore. I knew that.”
I fixed my eyes on hers. “What are you talking about? ‘Not need you anymore?’ ‘Run with my own pack?’ What are you talking about? What’s wrong?”
She sighed again, and closed her eyes. “Come on, are you really going to make me say it out loud? I guess I gotta, then.
"Truth is, for a long time, I’ve had some pretty bad depression. That game about texting each other when we get to school? I made that up because I couldn’t even get out of bed most mornings anymore. I’m surprised you never noticed that you always got to school before me.”
I was aghast. “I always thought you were just a slow riser. Besides, you always smile at school! Everyone loves how cheerful you always are. Are you saying that behind all of that, you’ve been in pain? And you’ve never once thought to share?”
“Heh, guess not. I didn’t want to rope you into my selfishness. Even right now, I know that I’m indulging myself. I should’ve told you that nothing’s wrong, I shouldn’t have gotten you roped into this. I'm just being selfish… I’m sorry, Toby. I…” Her voice began to quiver, and her fists tightened.
Without another word, I abandoned my stupid embarrassment and wrapped my arms around her. Nothing mattered in that moment more than making Isa feel better. “What are you talking about? Are you stupid or something? There’s nothing selfish about sharing your feelings! If you’re feeling despressed, then all the more reason to talk to me! I care about you more than you know! So stop calling yourself indulgent and all of that. It’ll be alright, okay?”
After a long pause, she returned my embrace. “Toby… I’m sorry. I’m sorry! I’m sorry…” Her stream of apologies was torn apart by sobbing, but all I could do was hold on. She was the one in pain, but I was the one clinging to her for dear life.
Eventually, she quieted down, and we separated.
With a sniffle, she smiled at me.
“I’m really better, okay? I’m okay, so there’s no need to worry. Go home and rest up. Tomorrow’s the last day before the Big Finale, right? You got this. I just need some time to rest, that’s all.”
Reluctantly, I was ushered out of her room, and departed for home. Still, Isa's broken expression lingered in my mind. The words she spoke to me echoed through my thoughts. I never felt as helpless as I did at this moment. To think that she had been hiding all of that for so long… I felt disappointed in myself for never noticing, despite being her closest friend.
The next day, she wasn’t at school again, but she texted me that she was just resting up. Relieved, I went about my day. Isa told me that she’d be at school tomorrow to see me off, so I told myself that everything would turn out just fine.
Wednesday morning arrived, and I was up bright and early. As I headed out into the unusually bright morning, despite a wonderfully brisk fog, my mind drifted to Isa. She told me that she was alright, that I had nothing to worry about. It's not like she had anything especially worrysome around her. Sure her room was messy, but there wasn’t anything too alarming…
My backpack fell to the concrete with a crunch, and I ran.
Phone in hand, I ran with every bit of energy I could muster. The brisk fog now pelted my bare arms and legs. The bright sunlight stung my face and blinded by eyes. That was fine. I knew where to go. I ran faster. I had to run faster. Nothing mattered but making it in time.
In less than five minutes, Isa’s house was in sight. By then, I was in a full-on sprint, forcefully ignoring the aches and pain in my legs. I slammed the door open, to the shock of her parents. I didn’t have time to worry about them. They knew who I was. I marched up the stairs, and in one stride, reached Isa’s bedroom door. I opened the door slowly, just to be safe.
In the center of the room, a coat hanger was nailed to the ceiling with the rope fastened below. Isa was standing on a chair, the noose in her hands, when our eyes met.
My grip on my phone tightened, and Isa gasped silently. I drew closer, terrified of each creak in the wooden floor. Isa’s hands trembled terribly, her knuckles white from their grip. In the longest five seconds of my life, I reached my dearest friend, and took the noose from her hand. As soon as her hands were free, it was like a spell had been broken, and she collapsed into me. Her sobbing shook me to my core, so I held her tighter. I held her as tightly as I should have two days ago. I held her as tightly as I should have these past eight years.
And together, we cried.
I finally let my phone fall from my grasp, and through the bright, blue walls, the sound of sirens grew louder.
Three Meanies: https://ak9.picdn.net/shutterstock/videos/3787769/thumb/2.jpg?i10c=img.resize(height:72)
Best Girl: https://www.dreamstime.com/stock-photo-young-woman-offering-helping-hand-nature-standing-outside-sunny-day-image57162470
My BEST Friend's Room!!!: http://onvacations.co/cool-bedroom-decorating-ideas-for-guys/
So Pretty!: http://sideways.nyc/2016/05/meet-91st-street/
This Tires Me Just by Looking at It: http://www.warnerlarson.com/project/dedham-high-school-track-and-field-complex/
TEMPORARY My Room: https://wallpapercave.com/navy-blue-wallpapers
Credits:
Created with images by diegoparra - "car police cars caravan"