Here's how the poison of "equality = uniformity" plays out. When you were three, you & your brother both needed to clean your room, but you both lacked any sense of urgency to do it. To Calvin, I promised candy & a movie to get the job done. To you, I promised a long timeout on your bed if you failed to do the job. You, got angry.
Between the ages of 1 & 3 Calvin got more spankings & timeouts that you've received in your first decade of life. Of course, on cleaning day, the three year old you had no idea what your then five year old brother had already endured. And you had no foresight of how many future consequences that rascal would likely receive as he matured. You simply wanted the "good thing" thing your brother got, and were adamant that I wasn't loving you the same by not even making it an option for you. And that's where the poison effected you the most.
The "good thing". Your desire for uniformity - combined with a lack of understanding of the very big picture - lead you to believe that the candy your brother got was actually good. And it was, but not for very long. You see, the sugar rush spun Calvin into a mania of hyper-activity, which directly lead to a broken glass, a timeout, and a crash from the sugar high. A timeout soon followed. So in truth the candy wasn't really good at all, because the truly good things in life are the ones that last. Of course, none of the after effects of the candy bothered you, because you avoided both the threatened timeout and were playing happily in the backyard. No crash from a sugar high. No future consequence. Just future joy.
My children's future joy is, and always has been, my top parenting priority. I don't parent you the same as anyone else because you are unlike anyone else. You're a snowflake, just like your brother. Equality is loving all snowflakes to the same degree. A very high degree. And such vigorous love compels me to parent each child very differently, because of course no two snowflakes are the same. So do not look at your brother's experiences and be upset because they are not yours. That is envy. That is ignorant pride. How can you appreciate and grow in your own experiences - experiences crafted in love for your future joy - if you're only thinking of what I'm doing for others? Envy robs you of present and future joy.
Do you remember the stories in the New Testament about two sisters & a brother that Jesus loved a great deal: Mary, Martha, and Lazarus? One story in particular involved Mary being praised for experiencing Jesus and Martha being scolded for being anxious & troubled. Jesus seemed harsh on Martha, especially because her pursuit of a well prepared meal was so noble. Later on both women lost their brother to a disease, a disease Jesus could have easily cured but intentionally chose not to. Even harsher, right? I think in the future I'll write you and your brother a letter on the benefits of harsh love, but for this letter I want you to consider the amazing love Jesus bestowed on both Mary & Martha by first showing tough love.
You see, by treating them so differently in the first story, He had grown them precisely the way they needed to be grown such that they could both make incredible declarations of faith in the latter story - the kind of faith the gains both eternal life and a joy filled earthly life - after their brother died. Martha in particular seemed to be free & clear of her past anxiety & troubled soul. What amazing love! But until you saw the whole picture, you didn't see the greatness of God's love. He loved the sisters equally, but not uniformly. There is no doubt in my mind that future Martha would have taken Jesus' past rebuke over praise, because future Martha would be relishing in the future joy that stemmed from such perfect parenting by her Abba Father. (ps - as for why Jesus cried in the story, I don't think it was for Mary, Martha, or Lazarus' benefit...it was because he saw the crowd of souls weeping with them and knew that some of those souls would be the same voices shouting "give us Barabas!")
Do not let other's perceived "good things" rob you of your current and future joy. Trust your Father - for He loves you more than you'll ever know!