I do not think I can do it any more. I have cheated on my husband and the man I once saw has left me. I feel alone and do not want to put up with this life anymore. I would rather die than live in this society, perceived as perfect and deal with my kids and family. In a way I feel as if my kids are better off without me since I was never as involved as I should have been. I am struggling as a wife and a mother and I know that.
All I want to do is be free. Free from all of the work, emotions, and issues. I would be free and able to escape this cruel world if I just ended my life now. I have lived a full life and I do not want to live like this any more. I thought about just going to my happy place in the Grand Isle and letting the sea just take me away. Let me be free from my problems and finally be alone. Putting on this fake smile and attitude just to fit into this perfect life is definitely not the life I wish to live any more. The only thing I can control is MY life and to end it would be MY decision, and no one else’s. My exciting life of freedom did not pan out as well as I thought it would and there is nothing I have left. I wished to be an artist at one point, but failed due to not being as skillful as I had thought. I can feel society overtaking my life and the feeling is overwhelming. It is obvious I can not go back to my husband and children and I want to make my own decision for once. Letting myself go into the sea is my choice and it is the decision I am going to make.