Magnetic #12 Double

Text and images ©maiermoul

in memory of Pauline Oliveros

A quieter, more painful, and more intimate palliative--

-Helen Molesworth

I spent a weekend with some of his followers.

I was received with some resentment and suspicion.

I had no idea what to expect as I had never done anything like this.

I was curious to find out if there were other approaches I should investigate.

I remember feeling somewhat extraordinary about my right and my capacity to pursue my own development.

This seemed to me to be a real adventure.

I felt happy and free in it as I could not remember feeling free in my pursuit of anything before.

I remember I tried to sit near enough to him to sense him- really see him- but also not in a place that put me forward.

I felt like the people who had been going all over everywhere to be with him had dibs on the "good seats".

He said we would work together to think back to five moments when we knew we were on the right side of things.

He would free us from these if we let him.

He called this a teaching on love. It was the only thing he cared about he said, the one thing he would try to do with us.

Almost everyone was pleased, though some people seemed to think this was not very much about love.

They received refunds and left.

I stayed at a guest house.

What I remember was the room was large and extremely spare.

Big windows and quiet.

The experience was sublime.

( When anything solid turns into a gas without first becoming liquid, that's sublimation. When the surface layer of snow or ice turns into fog or steam without melting, this is an example of sublimation. The verb sublimation is from the Latin word sublimare, meaning “raised to a higher status.” )

I was reading a story as slowly as possible.

When I finished I paused for awhile and then turned back to the first page and began again.

I was enjoying the slightest thing.

The emptiness of the room, the way the light shifted, the air moving along the floor.

It seemed to me extraordinary that I could actually go and listen to anyone I wanted and decide for myself what I felt about it.

Until that time of my being I had only had the idea of either following or not following my upbringing and education.

Now I had the idea it wasn’t important to follow, to obey, to belong, it was important to believe.

And not just to believe what you were told or what you read,

but to go out and do things and see what came of it.

Memory, as we have tried to prove, is not a faculty of putting away recollections in a drawer, or of inscribing them in a register. There is no register, no drawer; there is not even, properly speaking, a faculty--

- Henri Bergson

Images shot on Louise Nevelson Plaza, Lower Manhattan, New York

Text written in Amherst, Massachusetts on the street where Emily Dickinson lived

Helen Molesworth, Artforum December 2016, https://www.artforum.com/inprint/issue=201610&id=64807

Henri Bergson, Creative Evolution

Sublimation - Dictionary Definition : Vocabulary.com

Magnetic ©maiermoul

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Susan maiermoul
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